U.S. Soldiers with the 82nd Airborne Division detain a simulated hostile civilian while conducting a crowd riot control scenario during a Kosovo Force (KFOR) mission rehearsal exercise (MRE) at the Joint Multinational Readiness Center in Hohenfels, Germany, June 30, 2017.
U.S. Army photo by Spc. Randy Wren
Military service obviously comes with considerable bodily risk — there’s all that service abroad, at sea, or in a no-shit warzone… plus hazardous training.
But sometimes you end up getting hurt because you just liked the idea of a drunken night run in a gas mask to the base bar before it closed. Or you decided that stand-up jousting on a rolly chair in the barracks was a great new sport.
Not, uh, that we at Task & Purpose have any experience there.
But, knowing that not every war wound is, you know, a war wound, we turned to you, our loyal readers, to tell us about the dumb things you did to end up at sick call, where an exhausted medic or corpsman was on hand to toss out Motrin and sage advice like “Change your socks, and don’t do that again, idiot.”
Here are ten dumb ways to hurt yourself while in the military. (Or anywhere, really; some of these are just: Wow.)
“I’ll give you $40 if you…”
That wouldn’t have happened if you’d worn your safety belt.
Lieutenant: “Follow me, guys!”
“That guy came outta nowhere.”
Two words: buffer rodeo.
“Sure, I’ll just whip my junk out. What could go wrong?”
An E-2D Hawkeye assigned to the Bluetails of Carrier Airborne Early Warning Squadron (VAW) 121 lands on the flight deck aboard the Nimitz-class aircraft carrier USS Abraham Lincoln (CVN 72). (U.S. Navy/Mass Communication Specialist Seaman Will Hardy)
Nobody can be told what The Matrix is; you have to see it for yourself.
More than two decades after The Matrix showed the world what the future of the sci-fi action flick could look like, Warner Bros. Pictures plans on producing a fourth installment of the groundbreaking epic saga, Variety first reported on Tuesday.
Sailors from Coastal Riverine Squadron (CRS) 1 conduct category III qualifications on the M2A1 heavy machine gun at Marine Corps Base Camp Pendleton, Calif. CRS-1 is qualifying for future mobilization requirements. (U.S. Navy/Hospital Corpsman 1st Class Kenji Shiroma)
The Navy is considering giving Ma Deuce a quiet new update.
A competitor performs push-ups during the physical fitness event at the Minnesota Army National Guard Best Warrior Competition on April 4, 2019, at Camp Ripley, Minnesota. (Minnesota National Guard photo by Sgt. Sebastian Nemec)
Despite what you may have heard, the Army has not declared war on mustaches.
The Army W.T.F! Moments Facebook page on Monday posted a memo written by a 3rd Infantry Division company commander telling his soldiers that only the fittest among them will be allowed to sprout facial hair under their warrior nostrils.
"During my tenure at Battle Company, I have noticed a direct correlation between mustaches and a lack of physical fitness," the memo says. "In an effort to increase the physical fitness of Battle Company, mustaches will not be authorized for any soldier earning less than a 300 on the APFT [Army Physical Fitness Test]."