The 10 Dumbest Ways You Injured Yourselves In The Military

Humor
U.S. Soldiers with the 82nd Airborne Division detain a simulated hostile civilian while conducting a crowd riot control scenario during a Kosovo Force (KFOR) mission rehearsal exercise (MRE) at the Joint Multinational Readiness Center in Hohenfels, Germany, June 30, 2017.
U.S. Army photo by Spc. Randy Wren

Military service obviously comes with considerable bodily risk — there’s all that service abroad, at sea, or in a no-shit warzone… plus hazardous training.


But sometimes you end up getting hurt because you just liked the idea of a drunken night run in a gas mask to the base bar before it closed. Or you decided that stand-up jousting on a rolly chair in the barracks was a great new sport.

Not, uh, that we at Task & Purpose have any experience there.

But, knowing that not every war wound is, you know, a war wound, we turned to you, our loyal readers, to tell us about the dumb things you did to end up at sick call, where an exhausted medic or corpsman was on hand to toss out Motrin and sage advice like “Change your socks, and don’t do that again, idiot.”

Here are ten dumb ways to hurt yourself while in the military. (Or anywhere, really; some of these are just: Wow.)

“I’ll give you $40 if you…”

That wouldn’t have happened if you’d worn your safety belt.

Lieutenant: “Follow me, guys!”

“That guy came outta nowhere.”

Two words: buffer rodeo.

“Sure, I’ll just whip my junk out. What could go wrong?”

Breaking two bones in your arm...during a sprint.

If at first you don’t succeed, stop?

Mattress surfing.

Hey, it worked in Smokey and the Bandit.

WATCH NEXT:

U.S. Senator Rick Scott speaks during a press conference at Tyndall Air Force Base, Florida, April 29, 2019. (U.S. Air Force/Airman 1st Class Monica Roybal)

The Saudi national who killed three students on a U.S. Naval Air station in Pensacola was in the United States on a training exchange program.

On Sunday, Sen. Rick Scott said the United States should suspend that program, which brings foreign nationals to America for military training, pending a "full review."

Read More Show Less
Tech. Sgt. Ryan Cooper, 151st Security Forces Squadron, leads a team of security forces members as they clear a building during a simulated active shooter event October 15, 2019 at Roland R. Wright Air National Guard Base, Utah. (U.S. Air National Guard/Tech. Sgt. John Winn)

Security measures at U.S. military bases will be increased in the wake of the deadly shootings at Joint Base Pearl Harbor-Hickam in Hawaii and Naval Air Station Pensacola in Florida.

In a message posted to Twitter, U.S. Northern Command, known as Northcom, said it has directed its installations to "immediately assess force protection measures and implement increased random security measures for their facilities."

Read More Show Less

The Washington Post has obtained confidential documents showing that top U.S. military officials have repeatedly lied to the American public about the war in Afghanistan, despite many having clear knowledge the effort is unwinnable.

Read More Show Less
Air Force personnel wait for a pallet of equipment to load on a C-17 Globemaster III at Sather Air Base, Iraq, on Jan. 30 2008 (Air Force/Tech. Sgt. Jeffrey Allen)

BAGHDAD (Reuters) - Four Katyusha rockets struck a military base next to Baghdad International Airport on Monday wounding "six fighters", a statement from the military said.

Security forces found a rocket launcher and several rockets in a search of the area, the statement said.

There was no immediate claim of responsibility.

Read More Show Less

PENSACOLA, Fla. (Reuters) - U.S. investigators face mounting pressure on Monday to deliver answers on the motive that led a Saudi Air Force lieutenant to shoot and kill three people and wounded eight others at a U.S. Navy base in Pensacola, Florida.

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, speaking at a Sunday evening press conference, said he was sure the gunman carried out an act of terrorism. He questioned whether it could have been prevented by better vetting of foreign military officers who train in the United States.

Read More Show Less