10 Lies Troops Use On Their First Sergeants

First Sgt. Travis Wewers inspects his company before the unit's change of command at Forward Operating Base Falcon in southern Baghdad.

The job of first sergeant, or “top sergeant” as it was once called, is perhaps one of the most rewarding positions for enlisted personnel in the Army. The first sergeant is the arbiter for all enlisted-soldier matters within the company. He or she is the senior noncommissioned officer of the company, with considerable influence over the unit’s culture.

While this is very rewarding, it also means that the first sergeant has to deal with all disciplinary issues within the company. As such, first sergeants have to listen to some of the most outrageous lies ever to come out of the mouths of the junior enlisted. From my own experience and in talking with first sergeants, here are some the “greatest hits” of lies told to the first sergeant.

1. “No, I didn’t smoke the weed, I was just in the room when some people happened to be walking by smoking it.” Sure, the poor soldier somehow managed to get those people to walk by 20 times so that he could get that level of THC in his blood.

2. “My mustache is outside the regulations as prescribed by Army Regulation 670-1? I didn’t know there was a regulation for mustaches.” That soldier probably also doesn’t know there’s a regulation that stipulates the amount of Axe body spray he is using now classifies him as a chemical weapon.

3. “Her? In my room during health and welfare? I don’t know where she came from.” Nor does this soldier know why he has a package of condoms in his hand.

4. “The doc says I am pregnant? But that can’t be, I’m a virgin!” Our battalion physician literally witnessed this conversation.

5. “Um, I’m not wearing my eye protection because my dog ate them.” Troops are great at losing things. Not so great at the explanations under pressure.

6. “So you see, first sergeant, I got a DUI because the cop doesn’t like troops.” Bad answer, because Top’s dad was probably a cop.

7. “First sergeant, I was late to formation because of ice in the road. Yes, I know it’s July.” The mouth moves faster than the brain, in some cases.

8. “The commander is gone, so I’m in charge.” The executive officer is so cute to think that.

9. “No first sergeant, I wasn’t sleeping, I was meditating.” See also under, “I wasn’t sleeping, I was pulling security.”

10. “Yes, we are all sober.” Usually stated during morning physical training. The results of a good three-mile run are enough to show the lie.

U.S. Army photo by Staff Sgt. Nathaniel Smith
US Marine Corps

Former Marine Commandant Gen. Charles Krulak has issued a statement urging President Donald Trump and members of Congress to oppose pardons for those accused or convicted of war crimes since, he argued, it would "relinquish the United States' moral high ground."

"If President Trump follows through on reports that he will mark Memorial Day by pardoning individuals accused or convicted of war crimes, he will betray these ideals and undermine decades of precedent in American military justice that has contributed to making our country's fighting forces the envy of the world," said Krulak, who served in the Marine Corps for more than three decades before retiring in 1999 as the 31st Commandant.

Read More Show Less

Editor's Note: The following story highlights a veteran at Associated Materials. Committed to including talented members of the military community in its workplace, Associated Materials Incorporated is a client of Hirepurpose, a Task & Purpose sister company. Learn more here.

Associated Materials, a residential and commercial siding and window manufacturer based in Ohio, employs people from a variety of backgrounds. The company gives them an opportunity to work hard and grow within the organization. For Tim Betsinger, Elizabeth Dennis, and Tanika Carroll, all military veterans with wide-ranging experience, Associated Materials has provided a work environment similar to the military and a company culture that feels more like family than work.

Read More Show Less

President Donald Trump will nominate Barbara Barrett to serve as the next Air Force secretary, the president announced on Tuesday.

"I am pleased to announce my nomination of Barbara Barrett of Arizona, and former Chairman of the Aerospace Corporation, to be the next Secretary of the Air Force," Trump tweeted. "She will be an outstanding Secretary! #FlyFightWin"

Read More Show Less

The Trump administration is trying to assure Congress that it does not want to start a war with Iran, but some lawmakers who fought in Iraq are not so sure.

Acting Defense Secretary Patrick Shanahan and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Marine Gen. Joseph Dunford both briefed Congress on Tuesday about Iran. Shanahan told reporters earlier on Tuesday that the U.S. military buildup in the region has stopped Iran and its proxies from attacking U.S. forces, but the crisis is not yet over.

"We've put on hold the potential for attacks on Americans," Shanahan said. "That doesn't mean that the threats that we've previously identified have gone away. Our prudent response, I think, has given the Iranians time to recalculate. I think our response was a measure of our will and our resolve that we will protect our people and our interests in the region."

Read More Show Less
U.S. Navy/Mass Communication Specialist 1st Class Brian M. Wilbur/Handout via REUTERS

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President Donald Trump warned on Monday Iran would be met with "great force" if it attacked U.S. interests in the Middle East, and government sources said Washington strongly suspects Shi'ite militias with ties to Tehran were behind a rocket attack in Baghdad's Green Zone.

"I think Iran would be making a very big mistake if they did anything," Trump told reporters as he left the White House on Monday evening for an event in Pennsylvania. "If they do something, it will be met with great force but we have no indication that they will."

Read More Show Less