4 Jodies Who Will Ruin Your Life

Humor

There are probably a thousand cadences about Jody. “Jody,” for the uninitiated, is the nickname for that guy who messes around with someone’s significant other while he’s off on a deployment or on training. It’s a military tradition. That’s why military units love to make up songs about him to sing while they run.


Ain't no use in goin’ home,

Jody's got your girl and gone.

Ain't no use in goin back,

Jody's got your Cadillac,

Ain't no use in feeling blue,

Jody's took your checkbook too.

It’s worth talking about him, and maybe about about her, too. Whoever came up with that term was prescient, because Jody is a unisex name. In days past, it was assumed he would always be some guy. In today’s military, though, it could be anyone. The villain isn’t always some guy trying to steal your girl. Man or woman, straight or gay, in today’s military, no one is immune to the vicious strike of the Jody.

Cheating isn’t unique to the military community, or even likely any more common than among civilians, but there’s something uniquely cold and heartless about someone cheating while someone’s partner is gone, and not just gone, but out fighting half a world away, or floating in the middle of the ocean, or even just out on temporary duty assignment training somewhere. Whether Jody’s real name is Nick or Bryan, or even Jennifer or Tiffany, Jody is a scourge on society, and service members need some field identification tips to identify Jody, wherever he roams.

Just remember, whenever you find Jody, however you find Jody, he actually did you a favor — he let you know that your relationship was not strong enough for the military life, and you need to get yourself a different one. But yes, Jody is still a scumbag.

The Backstabbing Buddy

Screenshot from "Jarhead" trailer.

The Backstabbing Buddy was so helpful getting your family ready for deployment. He helped with putting those planters in the backyard and painting the deck before you left. He’s such a nice fella he even offered to come by once a week to mow the grass. What a great guy! Why, he certainly deserves that cold beer your wife offered after he finished. Unfortunately, the lawn wasn’t the only thing getting some trim in your house that day. He is the literal proof of the cliche that “buddy” is only half a word. If your kids are calling some guy “uncle” when you get back, you might have a problem. “Thanks for mowing the yard while I was gone,” you tell Backstabbing Buddy. “No problem. It was my pleasure … really,” he’ll tell you.

The Base Housing Casanova

Screenshot from "Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo" trailer.

Base housing is a lot like “Melrose Place,” if everyone was less attractive and too many of the characters were trapped in ill-considered marriages. The line diagram of the illicit relationships going on there can look like a plate of spaghetti. Patient Zero in this chaos is the Base Housing Casanova. This is an unusual and self-destructive Jody, in that he’s simultaneously cheating on his spouse at the same time he’s picking up someone else’s. He knows the work hours and deployment schedules of every unit on base. His triple Lindy of deceit eventually explodes in his face and everyone else’s. The resulting detonations give some poor family readiness officer, sergeant major, and commanding officer simultaneous heart attacks as they deal with the highly toxic fallout blowing up over two or three units.

The Townie

Screenshot from "Joe Dirt" trailer.

There is one saving grace of getting stationed in the god-awful backwaters that are home to many military bases. Service members can hold themselves as better than the slack-jawed yokels that make up a disproportionate share of the population in military towns. Whether you’re a Marine in J-Vegas or a soldier in FayetteNam, you roll into any bar knowing that you’re a badass, and that used car salesman or whatever at the other end of the bar is not. Don’t get too cocky. That guy has a shit ton of time on his hands to get his swerve on, and you’re gone half the time during workups, and then gone for half a year or more at a time after that. Townie Jody has home-field advantage. Townie Jody knows where the deployment widows congregate. Townie Jody is hanging out there like a pressure-plate IED for your relationship. Townie Jody would like nothing better than to get some back-door revenge on that Devil Dog who called him a slack-jawed yokel.

The Hometowner

A lot of significant others decide not to hang around the God-forsaken hellhole surrounding a military base while their partners deploy. Many of them decide to go back to their hometowns, back to the welcoming arms of a familiar environment, where many family and friends still live. Enter Hometowner Jody. “It’s got to be so hard with him away all the time. You must be so lonely. Didn’t he volunteer for that deployment?” Hometown Jody whispers into the ear of an unsuspecting high school friend, aka your girlfriend. Jody might even be your significant other’s old flame, or just an old friend, but he sure as hell isn’t your friend, no matter how warmly he shakes your hand at that high school reunion. “Most Likely to Succeed,” indeed.

(Photo: CNN/screenshot)

NAVAL BASE SAN DIEGO — A Navy SEAL sniper on Wednesday contradicted earlier testimony of fellow SEALs who claimed he had fired warning shots to scare away civilian non-combatants before Chief Eddie Gallagher shot them during their 2017 deployment to Mosul, and said he would not want to deploy again with one of the prosecution's star witnesses.

Special Operator 1st Class Joshua Graffam originally invoked his Fifth Amendment privilege before Navy Judge Capt. Aaron Rugh gave him immunity in order to compel his testimony.

Graffam testified that Gallagher was essentially justified in the shooting of a man he is accused of unlawfully targeting, stating that "based off everything i had seen so far ... in my opinion, they were two shitheads moving from one side of the road to the other."

Spotting for Gallagher in the tower that day, Graffam said, he called out the target to him and he fired. He said the man was hit in the upper torso and ran away.

Graffam, who joined the Navy in 2010 and has been assigned to SEAL Team 7's Alpha Platoon since September 2015, deployed alongside Gallagher to Mosul in 2017, occasionally acting as a spotter for Gallagher when the SEALs were tasked with providing sniper support for Iraqi forces from two towers east of the Tigris River.

Another SEAL, Special Warfare Operator 1st Class Dalton Tolbert, had previously testified under direct examination by prosecutors that, while stationed in the south tower of a bombed-out building in June 2017, he had observed Gallagher shoot and kill an elderly civilian.

"He ran north to south across the road," Tolbert testified on Friday. "That's when I saw the red mark on his back and I saw him fall for the first time. Blood started to pool and I knew it was a square hit in the back." Over the radio, he said he heard Gallagher tell the other snipers, "you guys missed him but I got him."

Former SO1 Dylan Dille, who was also in the south tower that day, testified last week that he watched an old man die from a sniper shot on Father's Day. He said the date stuck out in his mind because he thought the man was probably a father.

Later that day, after the mission, Graffam said he spoke with Dille about the shooting and they disagreed about the circumstances. Dille, he said, believed the man was a noncombatant.

"I, on the other hand, was confident that the right shot was taken," Graffam said, although he said later under cross-examination that the man was unarmed. Dille previously testified that the SEALs were authorized to shoot unarmed personnel if they first received signals intelligence or other targeting information.

Photo: Paul Szoldra/Task & Purpose

Graffam described the man as a male between 40 and 50 years old wearing black clothing, giving him the impression of an ISIS fighter who was moving in a "tactical" manner. He testified that he did not see anything like Dille had described.

Graffam further testified that he didn't see Gallagher take any shots that he shouldn't have on that day or any other.

Although Graffam said he did not hear of allegations that Gallagher had stabbed a wounded ISIS fighter on deployment, he testified that he started to hear rumblings in early 2018. Chief Craig Miller, he said, asked him at one point whether he would "cooperate" with others in reporting him.

When asked whether he would like to serve with Miller again in a SEAL platoon, Graffam said, "I don't feel as confident about it." A member of the jury later asked him why he'd feel uncomfortable deploying with Miller and he responded, "I just wouldn't."

Graffam said he would serve with Gallagher again if given the chance.

Under cross examination by prosecutors, Graffam said he couldn't say whether there were warning shots fired that day, though Dille and Tolbert both said happened. "There were multiple shots throughout the day," Graffam said.

Prosecutors also asked him about his previous statements to NCIS, in which Graffam said of Miller that "he has good character" and was "a good guy." Graffam confirmed he said just that.

Defense attorney Tim Parlatore, however, said those statements were back in January and "a lot had happened since then." Parlatore said Graffam had also said at the time that Gallagher was a good leader.

"That part remains unchanged, correct?" Parlatore asked.

"Yes," Graffam said.

The defense is expected to call more witnesses in the case, which continues on Thursday.

(U.S. Air Force photo by Airman 1st Class Alexi Myrick)

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Five Marines aboard a KC-130J Hercules and one Marine on an F/A-18 Hornet were killed when both planes went down about 200 miles off the Japanese coast.

A recent salvage operation of the KC-130J crash site recovered the remains of three of the Marines, who were later identified, Corps officials said.

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(YouTube via Air Force Times)

Editor's Note: This article by Oriana Pawlyk originally appeared on Military.com, a leading source of news for the military and veteran community.

The Air Force is investigating an airman after he posted a video on YouTube rife with homophobic slurs and insults.

A man in an Air Force uniform, identified only by the YouTube username "Baptist Dave 1611" ranted in a recent video, calling gay people "sodomites," "vermin scum," and "roaches" among other slurs, according to Air Force Times, which first reported the story Wednesday.

"The specifics of the situation are being reviewed by the airman's command team," said service spokesman Maj Nick Mercurio, confirming the incident. Mercurio did not provide any identifying details about the airman.

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