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This is the only thing you'll need to post this 4th of July so everyone knows just how 'Merica you are
It's that time of the year, you know: hot dog heavy cookouts; a metric shit-ton of light beer stacked neatly in the shape of the American flag at your nearby supermarket; fireworks and trigger warnings about fireworks and rants about trigger warnings about fireworks; American flag-printed clothing in every size and shape, from two-sizes too small booty shorts, and full on adult onesies; and of course the endless stampede of social media posts depicting the Stars and Stripes, bald eagles, presidents, U.S. troops, and random celebrities wearing some version of a spangly outfit.
We're talking about Independence Day.
That day that celebrates that one time a band of scrappy colonists decided "hey, fuck taxation, not in general, but definitely without representation. Let's start a war with the leading world power of the day, and for shits and giggles, let's declare our independence. And to really throw old King George III off his game... let's win."
While the 4th of July doesn't commemorate the end of the American Revolution, it celebrates that day in 1776 when 56 delegates from the colonies — which included a handful of future presidents, cabinet members, and generally, the cast and crew we tend to think of when we say "founding fathers" — declared that the 13 colonies would henceforth be free from British rule.
In light of this sacred day of flag-waving rah rah 'Mericana, we've compiled this handy list of patriotic razzle dazzle posts so you don't have to scour the underbelly of the internet for that image of George Washington crossing the Delaware with a boat full of glow-belt clad militiamen, or the obligatory "freedom intensifies" Bald Eagle meme.
We've got you, and yes, you're very welcome for our service.
Happy 4th of July from all of us at Task & Purpose!
Yeah, we're all there with you.
Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about... Freedom?
So that's how they made it through the fog...
You might want to get that checked out... on July 5th.
Same guy, but on the 4th...
Done, just done.
Shots fired (from the moon)!
Chuck Norris does not celebrate the 4th of July. The 4th of July celebrates Chuck Norris.
When someone tries to tell you that being drunk before noon isn't appropriate on Independence Day.
For U.S. service members who have fought alongside the Kurds, President Donald Trump's decision to approve repositioning U.S. forces in Syria ahead of Turkey's invasion is a naked betrayal of valued allies.
"I am ashamed for the first time in my career," one unnamed special operator told Fox News Jennifer Griffin.
In a Twitter thread that went viral, Griffin wrote the soldier told her the Kurds were continuing to support the United States by guarding tens of thousands of ISIS prisoners even though Turkey had nullified an arrangement under which U.S. and Turkish troops were conducting joint patrols in northeastern Syria to allow the Kurdish People's Protection Units, or YPG, to withdraw.
"The Kurds are sticking by us," the soldier told Griffin. "No other partner I have ever dealt with would stand by us."
Defense Secretary Mark Esper has confirmed that a nightmare scenario has come to pass: Captured ISIS fighters are escaping as a result of Turkey's invasion of Kurdish-held northeast Syria.
Turkey's incursion has led to "the release of many dangerous ISIS detainees," Esper said in a statement on Monday.
Video footage of a purported "bombing of Kurd civilians" by Turkish military forces shown on ABC News appeared to be a nighttime firing of tracer rounds at a Kentucky gun range.
The U.S. military's seemingly never-ending mission supporting civil authorities along the southwestern border will last at least another year.
On Sept. 3, Defense Secretary Mark Esper approved a request from the Department of Homeland Security to provide a total of up to 5,500 troops along the border until Sept. 30, 2020, Lt. Gen. Laura Richardson, commander of U.S. Army North, said on Monday.