What Soldiers Really Think Of The New Army PT Test, According To Reddit

Humor

The new Army PT test is right around the corner, and every soldier with Internet access seems absolutely pumped.


That’s the gist of the 600 comment thread in the r/Army community on Reddit that blew up when the service dropped news of the new combat fitness test. No longer are ruminations of the troops confined to smoke pits or on-base pita pits; now, we get to hear the real feelings of real warfighters behind the beloved barricade of Internet anonymity.

To that end, decided to highlight the three best insights into new Army PT test from the nameless hordes of U.S. service members if only to really celebrate the evolution of bitching about stupid command changes in the information age.

Ah yes, the good ol' Army backward medicine ball toss

The first comment that we loved highlights the potential for this new-fangled test to absolutely bite every seasoned NCO in the ass, as they haven’t thrown a medicine ball backward over their heads once during their three tours in Afghanistan.

A comment from the /r/army subreddit.Reddit

The two-mile will never die

Bizarrely, the CFT kept the run portion intact, despite the fact that a two-mile run in gym shorts and go-fasts is completely antithetical the new test’s stated goal of actually reflecting the conditions of combat. Of course, the wars of the future may come down to a timed two-mile run in shorts — after you medicine ball the enemy bunker without looking that is.

A comment from the /r/army subreddit.Reddit

Time to join a Crossfit box

The third and final comment leaves us with some words of wisdom: Follow the money.

Whatever stupid CrossFit wholesaler that is about to make bank off some silly deadlift equipment may have pulled the strings behind this momentous shift in fitness testing. Either that or maybe some general is just really, really into CrossFit. Nothing like doing some deadlifts in the box’ to really show who is the alpha in the group.

A comment from the /r/army subreddit.Reddit

Here’s a bonus comment in my personal favorite retort in the thread, which perfectly exemplifies every reservist and national guardsman's reaction to the new combat fitness test.

A member of the /r/army reserve in DEP.Reddit

A enlisted thinktank brought to you by Task & Purpose

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Well, I feel better. How about you?

On Wednesday, the top U.S. envoy in charge of the global coalition to defeat ISIS said much the same, while adding another cherry on top: The United States has no idea where those 100+ fighters went.

"We do not know where they are," James Jeffrey told members of Congress of the 100+ escaped detainees. ISIS has about 18,000 "members" left in Iraq and Syria, according to recent Pentagon estimates.

A senior administration official told reporters on Wednesday the White House's understanding is that the SDF continues to keep the "vast majority" of ISIS fighters under "lock and key."

"It's obviously a fluid situation on the ground that we're monitoring closely," the official said, adding that released fighters will be "hunted down and recaptured." The official said it was Turkey's responsibility to do so.

President Trump expressed optimism on Wednesday about what was happening on the ground in northeast Syria, when he announced that a ceasefire between Turkey and the Kurds was expected to be made permanent.

"Turkey, Syria, and all forms of the Kurds have been fighting for centuries," Trump said. "We have done them a great service and we've done a great job for all of them — and now we're getting out."

The president boasted that the U.S.-brokered ceasefire had saved the lives of tens of thousands of Kurds "without spilling one drop of American blood."

Trump said that "small number of U.S. troops" would remain in Syria to protect oilfields.


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