What Soldiers Really Think Of The New Army PT Test, According To Reddit

Humor

The new Army PT test is right around the corner, and every soldier with Internet access seems absolutely pumped.


That’s the gist of the 600 comment thread in the r/Army community on Reddit that blew up when the service dropped news of the new combat fitness test. No longer are ruminations of the troops confined to smoke pits or on-base pita pits; now, we get to hear the real feelings of real warfighters behind the beloved barricade of Internet anonymity.

To that end, decided to highlight the three best insights into new Army PT test from the nameless hordes of U.S. service members if only to really celebrate the evolution of bitching about stupid command changes in the information age.

Ah yes, the good ol' Army backward medicine ball toss

The first comment that we loved highlights the potential for this new-fangled test to absolutely bite every seasoned NCO in the ass, as they haven’t thrown a medicine ball backward over their heads once during their three tours in Afghanistan.

A comment from the /r/army subreddit.Reddit

The two-mile will never die

Bizarrely, the CFT kept the run portion intact, despite the fact that a two-mile run in gym shorts and go-fasts is completely antithetical the new test’s stated goal of actually reflecting the conditions of combat. Of course, the wars of the future may come down to a timed two-mile run in shorts — after you medicine ball the enemy bunker without looking that is.

A comment from the /r/army subreddit.Reddit

Time to join a Crossfit box

The third and final comment leaves us with some words of wisdom: Follow the money.

Whatever stupid CrossFit wholesaler that is about to make bank off some silly deadlift equipment may have pulled the strings behind this momentous shift in fitness testing. Either that or maybe some general is just really, really into CrossFit. Nothing like doing some deadlifts in the box’ to really show who is the alpha in the group.

A comment from the /r/army subreddit.Reddit

Here’s a bonus comment in my personal favorite retort in the thread, which perfectly exemplifies every reservist and national guardsman's reaction to the new combat fitness test.

A member of the /r/army reserve in DEP.Reddit

A enlisted thinktank brought to you by Task & Purpose

Seven of the twelve Soldiers participating in the Army National Guard Military Funeral Honors Level 2 course at Fort Indiantown Gap practice folding the flag April 25. (U.S. Army National Guard photo by Staff Sgt. Zane Craig)

Retired Army Master Sgt. Mark Allen has died 10 years after he was shot in the head while searching for deserter Pvt. Bowe Bergdahl in Afghanistan.

Allen died on Saturday at the age of 46, according to funeral information posted online.

Read More Show Less

For U.S. service members who have fought alongside the Kurds, President Donald Trump's decision to approve repositioning U.S. forces in Syria ahead of Turkey's invasion is a naked betrayal of valued allies.

"I am ashamed for the first time in my career," one unnamed special operator told Fox News Jennifer Griffin.

In a Twitter thread that went viral, Griffin wrote the soldier told her the Kurds were continuing to support the United States by guarding tens of thousands of ISIS prisoners even though Turkey had nullified an arrangement under which U.S. and Turkish troops were conducting joint patrols in northeastern Syria to allow the Kurdish People's Protection Units, or YPG, to withdraw.

"The Kurds are sticking by us," the soldier told Griffin. "No other partner I have ever dealt with would stand by us."

Read More Show Less
Defense Secretary Mark Esper (Associated Press photo)

Defense Secretary Mark Esper said Sunday he and the Pentagon will comply with House Democrats' impeachment inquiry subpoena, but it'll be on their own schedule.

"We will do everything we can to cooperate with the Congress," Esper said on CBS' "Face the Nation." "Just in the last week or two, my general counsel sent out a note — as we typically do in these situations — to ensure documents are retained."

Read More Show Less

Most of the U.S. troops in Syria are being moved out of the country as Turkish forces and their Arab allies push further into Kurdish territory than originally expected, Task & Purpose has learned.

Roughly 1,000 U.S. troops are withdrawing from Syria, leaving a residual force of between 100 and 150 service members at the Al Tanf garrison, a U.S. official said.

"I spoke with the president last night after discussions with the rest of the national security team and he directed that we begin a deliberate withdrawal of forces from northern Syria," Defense Secretary Mark Esper said on Sunday's edition of CBS News' "Face the Nation."'

Read More Show Less

BEIRUT/ISTANBUL (Reuters) - Women affiliated with Islamic State and their children fled en masse from a camp where they were being held in northern Syria on Sunday after shelling by Turkish forces in a five-day-old offensive, the region's Kurdish-led administration said.

Turkey's cross-border attack in northern Syria against Kurdish forces widened to target the town of Suluk which was hit by Ankara's Syrian rebel allies. There were conflicting accounts on the outcome of the fighting.

Turkey is facing threats of possible sanctions from the United States unless it calls off the incursion. Two of its NATO allies, Germany and France, have said they are halting weapons exports to Turkey. The Arab League has denounced the operation.

Read More Show Less