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Drug-Peddling Camp Pendleton Marine Was Busted With Fake Penis
A Camp Pendleton Marine court-martialed for using and distributing illegal substances to his fellow Marines had, among many other things, a fake penis in his possession — ostensibly used to defeat Corps urinalysis tests — when he was stopped and searched by military police last year, according to court documents released last week.
In a May 17 decision, a military appeals court judge upheld the court-martial conviction of Cpl. John Kmiecik for violating the Articles 92 and 112a of the Uniform Code of Military Justice when he was discovered with a cache of LSD and marijuana during a traffic stop at Camp Pendleton in March 2017.
Apart from the LSD and marijuana, military police also stumbled across “a ‘Whizzinator’ brand artificial penis, plastic syringe, urine specimen bottle, and bottle of Clear Eyes Redness Relief.”
After receiving an initial sentence of 15 months’ confinement, along with forfeiting pay and allowances and a reduction in grade to E-1 (minus a bad conduct discharge), Kmieck appealed on the grounds that the presiding judge “abused his discretion during pre-sentencing by admitting a signed acknowledgment from the appellant that he understood the Marine Corps’ policy concerning illegal use of drugs.” Which, well, lol.
Efforts to avoid a hot result in your piss test with prosthetic dongs like the Whizzinator have been commonplace for more than a decade. But for reference, here’s what a Whizzinator looks like:
The Whizzinator TouchThe Whizzinator
Anyway, if you have a fake penis in your car, along with a buttload of acid and weed, maybe don’t authorize military police to search your locked vehicle. Then again, a plastic schlong does come in handy for those door dings:
The former Secretary of the Department of Veterans Affairs thinks that the VA needs to start researching medical marijuana. Not in a bit. Not soon. Right goddamn now.
US and Turkey agree on temporary cease fire to allow Kurdish fighters to withdraw from northeast Syria
The United States and Turkey have agreed to a temporary cease fire to allow Kurdish fighters to withdraw from a safe zone that Turkey is establishing along its border with Syria, Vice President Mike Pence announced on Thursday.
They started the US war against ISIS. Now they have an important message for Trump on abandoning the Kurds
Editor's Note: The following is an op-ed. The opinions expressed are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect the views of Task & Purpose.
Trump's recent decisions in northern Syria were ill-advised, strategically unsound, and morally shameful. In rapidly withdrawing U.S. presence and allowing a Turk offensive into Syria, we have left the Syrian Kurds behind, created a power vacuum for our adversaries to fill, and set the stage for the resurgence of ISIS.
After preliminary fitness test scores leaked in September, many have voiced concerns about how women would fare in the new Army Combat Fitness Test.
The scores — which accounted for 11 of the 63 battalions that the ACFT was tested on last year — showed an overall failure rate of 84% for women, and a 70% pass rate for men.
But Army leaders aren't concerned about this in the slightest.
More than 74 years after Marines raised the American flag on Mount Suribachi, Iwo Jima, the Marine Corps has announced that one of men in the most famous picture of World War II had been misidentified.