Yes, The Chainsaw Bayonet Is Real — And I Want One

Photo via Twitter

As with most mass shootings in recent U.S. history, disgraced airman Devin P. Kelley’s massacre of the First Baptist Church of Sutherland Springs, Texas, has put guns in the center of the national conversation — most notably, the Ruger AR-556 that Kelley’s 2014 bad-conduct discharge for viciously beating his wife and son should have prevented him from purchasing. And while those conversations are often accompanied by wide-eyed, often nonsensical media coverage of firearms, USA Today analysis of the AR-15 favored by mass shooters is by far the most hilarious.

In a brief video posted to Twitter on Nov. 8, USA Today offered up a strange overview of “the gun used in the Texas church shooting,” including the many possible attachments and modifications available for the AR-556 like a … chainsaw bayonet?

Luckily, USA Today immediately realized that their informative little video was a bit confusing and sent out a clarification — sort of: 

But just in case you were wondering: Yes, the chainsaw bayonet is real, and not just as part of your weekend Gears of War cosplay.

During the height of zombie apocalypse craze in 2012, just before The Walking Dead devolved into an unwatchable clusterfuck, Kentucky-based firearms company Doublestar showed off a Zombie X Chainsaw Rail Attachment at the annual SHOT show in Las Vegas. Mounted on a Picatinny rail and powered with a button-activated power pack bolted to the stock of a modified AK-47, the thing, well, actually works:

At the same time, the USA Today video is patently ridiculous. Yes, a chainsaw bayonet is a "possible" after-market modification, but hey, anything is possible if you dream it hard enough! Luckily, some folks are two steps ahead of us:

If you’re looking for a broader selection of nasty murder gear, there’s also an entire line of “weaponized chainsaws”offered up by survivalist tacticool Panacea X. But personally, I prefer this DIY version:

Benjamin Franklin nailed it when he said, "Fatigue is the best pillow." True story, Benny. There's nothing like pushing your body so far past exhaustion that you'd willingly, even longingly, take a nap on a concrete slab.

Take $75 off a Casper Mattress and $150 off a Wave Mattress with code TASKANDPURPOSE

And no one knows that better than military service members and we have the pictures to prove it.

Read More Show Less
Retired U.S. Army Lt. Col. Charles Kettles was awarded the Medal of Honor July 18, 2016, for his actions while serving as a Flight Commander assigned to the 176th Aviation Company (Airmobile) (Light), 14th Combat Aviation Battalion, Americal Division. Then-Maj. Kettles distinguished himself in combat operations near Duc Pho, Republic of Vietnam, on May 15, 1967. (U.S. Army/Spc. Tammy Nooner)

by Martin Slagter, The Ann Arbor News, Mich.

YPSILANTI, MI - When a brigade of U.S. troops was ambushed by the North Vietnamese Army in the Song Tra Cau riverbed on the morning of May 15, 1967, Lt. Charles Kettles volunteered to lead the rescue, and he refused, again and again, to back down when faced with a barrage of gunfire.

His aircraft badly damaged, left spilling fuel, and his gunner was severely injured during the treacherous operation.

But he helicoptered in and out of the battlefield four times, saving the lives of 44 soldiers in a death-defying emergency operation that would become a legendary tale of bravery in the Vietnam War.

Nearly 50 years later, Kettles received the Medal of Honor on July 18, 2016.

Read More Show Less
The M160 Robotic Mine Flail at Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri. Photo: Maj. Dan Marchik/U.S. Army

The battlefield of the future could feature robot medics delivering life-saving care to casualties in the line of fire. At least, that's what the Army is aiming for — and it's willing to pay millions for help doing it.

Read More Show Less
A Chinese tank rolls at the training ground "Tsugol", about 250 kilometers (156 miles ) south-east of the city of Chita during the military exercises Vostok 2018 in Eastern Siberia, Russia, Thursday, Sept. 13, 2018 (Associated Press/Sergei Grits)

China is developing a lot of new and advanced weaponry, but a recent state media report suggests the Chinese military may not be entirely sure what to do with these new combat systems.

Read More Show Less
(The 621st Contingency Response Wing/Flickr)

The commandant of the U.S. Coast Guard called the ongoing partial government shutdown "unacceptable" following reports that some Coast Guardsmen are relying on donations from food pantries while their regular paychecks remain on hold.

"We're five-plus weeks into the anxiety and stress of this government lapse and your non-pay," Adm. Karl Schultz said in a video message to service members. "You, as members of the armed forces, should not be expected to shoulder this burden."

Read More Show Less