The Chinese People’s Liberation Army Navy dropped a hot diss track subtly aimed at the U.S. Navy this week, but this is no typical rap beef. When Drake and Pusha T went at it, it was over ghostwriting allegations; China, on the other hand, is likely upset that they weren’t invited to the annual U.S.-led Pacific joint military exercise and naval keg party known as the Rim of the Pacific Exercise, or RIMPAC.
But why? Well, in 2016, the last time China was invited to RIMPAC, they basically were the kid who shows up to your party and eats out of the fridge without asking; despite the stated goal of easing tensions, China has continued to militarize a constellation of man-made islands in the South China Sea by positioning surface-to-air missile and attack aircraft on newly-constructed airbases. This came after China sent a spy ship to snoop on everyone during RIMPAC 2014, which is possibly the dumbest diplomatic move since Task Force 74 was sent to the Bay of Bengal to piss off India back during the Cold War.
When the RIMPAC invites were printed off and sent to U.S. pals like Japan and Vietnam, the Pentagon also penned a nice letter telling China they couldn’t come to our party. One thing led to another, and now there is this terrible hype video about China’s navy that screams ‘I’m a strong independent China and I don’t need no RIMPAC’. The production values aren’t quite rapping-in-a-bathroom -and-recording-it-with-an-iPhone-bad, but they make the more recent U.S. Marine Corps recruiting commercial look like a Hollywood blockbuster franchise.
Oh and the marching. Dear God, why? There is slow color coded marching all along the deck of the aircraft carrier Liaoning, and watching it is even more boring than being in formation. China, please go watch some K-Pop videos and take notes. Choreography can be both mesmerizing and sensual when done correctly; just look at this piece of Korean military dancing prowess. Done incorrectly and you look like a North Korean dance troupe.
China may be well on it’s way to having a blue water navy despite setbacks like corrupt naval builders, but until they decide to invest in some better video production values, they won’t win the PR battle. It’s not hard China; just be cool. Be like Mexico. Maybe don’t be like Turkey. And perhaps the next time you get invited to the party, don’t be that weird guy watching people with binoculars from across the street.
Watch the full video below: