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‘Duke Nukem’ Is Getting A Live-Action Movie Starring John Cena
Every American man of a certain age is intimately familiar with Duke Nukem, the muscle-bound Army veteran who’s been crushing alien invaders and saving the planet since he first burst onto your MS-DOS screen back in 1991. But after decades of chewing bubblegum and kicking ass at the behest of the CIA, everyone’s favorite action hero is bringing the fight where it belongs: a movie theater near you.
Pro wrestler and brick shithouse John Cena is reportedly on board to play the titular Nukem in a live-action movie adaptation of the iconic video game series, which hopefully will be reminiscent of the breakout 2016 murderfest Deadpool, producers Andrew Form and Brad Fuller told CinemaBlend this week.
“[Cena] is confirmed at this point, but if he reads the script and he doesn't like the script, I'm sure there's ways that he could pull out, but right now he's our guy,” Form said, adding that the as-yet-unfinished script for the movie is “going to be about tone.”
“How do you nail that tone in the way that Deadpool nailed the tone?” he said. “I think we have to do that, and if we don't get the tone right then we're not going to make the movie.”
How do you nail that sweet, sweet Deadpool tone? Gratuitous violence and a hefty dose of uber-macho dick jokes — something easy for Nukem, a pastiche of every barrel-chested Terminator rip-off that ever went straight to video in the ‘80s and ‘90s.
And Cena, the goofiest musclehead-turned-actor since Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson became America’s woke sweetheart, may be the perfect mix of brawn and humor for the part. Beyond his freakish resemblance to Duke Nukem, Cena has a long relationship with the U.S. military, from going through Marine Corps boot camp as a personal challenge to diving deep into his character as an Army sniper in 2017’s The Wall.
Sure, it’s not the biggest advantage when you’re playing a caricature of a super-soldier fighting off an alien invasion, but Cena will certainly attempt to bring a level of authenticity to the role.
In the meantime, we’re just sitting here imagining Cena threatening to skull-fuck us with a size 13 boot.
The 2020 National Defense Authorization Act would allow service members to seek compensation when military doctors make mistakes that harm them, but they would still be unable to file medical malpractice lawsuits against the federal government.
On Monday night, Congress announced that it had finalized the NDAA, which must be passed by the House and Senate before going to President Donald Trump. If the president signs the NDAA into law, it would mark the first time in nearly seven decades that U.S. military personnel have had legal recourse to seek payment from the military in cases of medical malpractice.
A major serving at U.S. Army Cyber Command has been charged with distributing child pornography, according to the Justice Department.
Maj. Jason Michael Musgrove, who is based at Fort Gordon, Georgia, has been remanded to the U.S. Marshals service, a news release from the U.S. Attorney's Office for the Southern District of Georgia says.
Pardoned soldiers Clint Lorance and Mathew Golsteyn were special guests at a recent Trump fundraiser
President Donald Trump, speaking during a closed-door speech to Republican Party of Florida donors at the state party's annual Statesman's Dinner, was in "rare form" Saturday night.
The dinner, which raised $3.5 million for the state party, was met with unusual secrecy. The 1,000 attendees were required to check their cell phones into individual locked cases before they entered the unmarked ballroom at the south end of the resort. Reporters were not allowed to attend.
But the secrecy was key to Trump's performance, which attendees called "hilarious."
Riding the high of the successful event turnout — and without the pressure of press or cell phones — Trump transformed into a "total comedian," according to six people who attended the event and spoke afterward to the Miami Herald.
He also pulled an unusual move, bringing on stage Army 1st Lt. Clint Lorance and Maj. Mathew Golsteyn, who Trump pardoned last month for cases involving war crimes. Lorance was serving a 19-year sentence for ordering his soldiers shoot at unarmed men in Afghanistan, and Golsteyn was to stand trial for the 2010 extrajudicial killing of a suspected bomb maker.
Retired Col. Charles McGee stepped out of the small commercial jet and flashed a smile.
Then a thumbs-up.
McGee had returned on a round-trip flight Friday morning from Dover Air Force Base, where he served as co-pilot on one of two flights done especially for his birthday.
By the way he disembarked from the plane, it was hard to tell that McGee, a Tuskegee Airman, was turning 100.
The new acting secretary of the Navy said recently that he is open to designing a fleet that is larger than the current 355-ship plan, one that relies significantly on unmanned systems rather than solely on traditional gray hulls.