Finally, Scientific Proof That People Who Swear More Are Just More F***ing Honest

news
Screen grab via YouTube

As if we needed even more evidence that the military is an incubator for all that is good and righteous in the human soul, a new study has concluded that people who swear more are more likely to be honest. As in, that noncommissioned officer who can’t get through a PowerPoint presentation on the Army’s equal opportunity policy without saying “fuck” at least 50 times, or that Marine who yells, “time to taste the rainbow, motherfuckers!,” whenever they discover a bag of Skittles in their MRE, well, they’re just more deserving of your trust than people who generally opt for a more genteel approach.


The study was conducted by a bunch of fucking researchers from the University of Cambridge, Maastricht University, Hong Kong university, and Stanford, who, as The Independent reports, studied 276 people in a lab as well as the social interactions of 73,789 people on Facebook, measuring the “average profanity scores against the integrity index for each U.S. state.” Whoa! That’s a fuck-ton of data.

The majority of the people studied in the lab told researching that they swore to express their negative emotions and their true self. In other words, when they swore, they felt like they were being more honest about how they felt. It’s like if someone asks me if I’d like to try bath salts. Simply answering “no” really is not honest enough. But if I say, “fuck no, get that shit away from me you fucking crackhead,” they know with 100% certainty that I do not want to get so high that I take off all my clothes and go full zombie-mode another man’s face.   

The study, which will be published in the Social Psychological and Personality Science journal, concluded that there is “a consistent positive relationship between profanity and honesty; profanity was associated with less lying and deception at the individual level and with higher integrity at the society level.” According to my calculations, that means the military, where “fuck you” and “fuck off” are basically shorthand for “how are you today, good sir?,” might be the most honest place in the world.

“The main thing we found is if you filter your language when speaking then you’re probably also filtering what you’re saying as well,” the co-author David from the University of Cambridge told The Independent. “You are less likely to be about what you think and more about what you think other people want to hear.” Adding, “Someone who does not filter their language, so swears, is more likely to be saying what they think to be true so are being more honest and genuine from their perspective.”

This really great fucking news. My whole life I thought I swore a lot because I was too dense and lazy to develop a strong vocabulary. Now I know for a fact that I swear because I’m simply a wellspring of truth. And also because I’ve got a huge and powerful brain: In 2015, a study found that intelligent people swear more than your average joe — or, as those eloquent (read: dumb) motherfuckers over at The Independent put it,  “the study concludes that a rich vocabulary is sign of swear words is a sign of rhetorical strength rather than the attempt to hide verbal deficits.”

Keep it coming, science!

Casperassets.rbl.ms

Benjamin Franklin nailed it when he said, "Fatigue is the best pillow." True story, Benny. There's nothing like pushing your body so far past exhaustion that you'd willingly, even longingly, take a nap on a concrete slab.

Take $75 off a Casper Mattress and $150 off a Wave Mattress with code TASKANDPURPOSE

And no one knows that better than military service members and we have the pictures to prove it.

Read More Show Less

The second of three Zumwalt-class so-called stealth destroyers built at Bath Iron Works will be commissioned Saturday in its homeport of San Diego.

Read More Show Less
Veterans Day at the Meuse-Argonne American Cemetery, 11 November, 2018. Photo: Erich Backes/U.S. Army

In typical veteran community fashion, hundreds of people showed up to two separate funerals last week for veterans who otherwise would have been buried alone.

Read More Show Less
(U.S. Marine Corps/Lance Cpl. Darien J. Bjorndal)

KABUL (Reuters) - The Taliban killed more than 100 members of the Afghan security forces inside a military compound in central Maidan Wardak province on Monday, a senior defense official said.

Read More Show Less
Coast Guard cutter Bertholf on a counterdrug patrol in the eastern Pacific Ocean, March 11, 2018. (U.S. Coast Guard/Petty Officer 2nd Class Michael Trees

U.S. Coast Guard cutter Bertholf left California on January 20 for a months-long mission in the Pacific to support U.S. Indo-Pacific Command, the largest of the U.S. military's geographic combatant commands.

Coast Guardsmen aboard the Bertholf left Alameda on the 30th day of what is now the longest government shutdown in U.S. history. They left a few days after not getting their first paycheck since that shutdown started and without knowing when the next will come.

Read More Show Less