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Here Are The Funniest Military Punishments You Shared With Us
We recently published a great account of funny military punishments compiled by Redditors. In the comments section, we asked you to share your funniest military stories from your time in the service.
All I can say is ... Holy Hell, you guys are funny. I’ve never had so much fun reading internet comments before. These were too good not to share.
See if we used yours, and if we didn’t, I’d love to hear your funniest story from your military service.
Responses have been edited for style and clarity.
The pimp walking with the limp.
We had a dude in basic training named Spikuza. This guy was DUMB. He drooled and his nose was always running, so he had snot on his face. He had a really square head and stuttered like I have never heard before. Friggin day TWO of basic training, this dude shows up to formation with his boots on the wrong feet!! The CO was astounded that he hadn't noticed his error. From that point on he was called 'Skooz' by the Drill Sergeant and whenever they yelled "SKOOOOOOOOOZZZZ!!!!" he had to say "I'm a pimp, I walk with a limp, I wear my shoes on the wrong feet." The way he stuttered, snorted and drooled his way through that sentence made it hilarious for the entire 9 weeks we were there.
When you gotta go, you gotta go.
I had a private get out of his bunk in the middle of the night and pee all over his battle buddy while sleepwalking. Needless to say it was hilarious.
“The Port-a-John talked back...”
I had to apologize to a Port-a-John for being rude to a female civilian in Afghanistan. The Port-a-John talked back...
“I’m not stupid, you’re stupid!”
We had a guy who was not too bright. He screwed something up when we were at the range, so my drill instructor made him face the mirror. The drill instructor then told him to yell things at the mirror and point, "You're stupid!” “I'm not stupid, You're stupid" "NO! I'M NOT STUPID, YOU'RE STUPID!" Each time, it escalated. I still believe that the kid at some point really was arguing with himself.
Army basic training in 2004. There was a private who got caught singing in the chow line. Our drill sergeant then made him nod his head and say "Slow motion for me, slow motion for me" from the old Juvenile track and snap his fingers. He was then referred to as "R&B;" by all the drill sergeants. I wouldn't be in a position that I could see him, and I'd hear a drill sergeant yell "R&B;! Hit it for me!" and he'd start singing and bobbing his head and snapping.
When I was at Naval Air Station Pensacola in Florida in 2003, we had to stand watch on the veranda at the Naval Air Crew Candidate School. Across from us was the Officer Candidate School, these guys get messed up by their drill instructors on a daily basis. One day while in formation their drill instructor was at one end screaming at an OCS candidate and he noticed one of the candidates in the back was watching a couple of squirrels running around on the lawn. After a few expletives and a knife hand pointing at the future leader of the Navy, the OCS Candidate was tasked to salute every squirell he saw until he graduated.
“Bye, bye. Have a nice flight!”
In Air Force basic training we were marching out to physical training, and one individual was constantly getting caught for staring at the planes flying over the physical training area, on their normal flight path. Our training instructor got fed up with constantly telling him to look forward and not to look at the planes, so for the rest of that day he had to stand on the edge of the physical training area and for every plane that flew overhead, he had to wave goodbye and yell, "Bye, bye. Have a safe flight!"
You’d better grab a fruit.
In basic, we had to get a piece of fruit with every meal, and eat it first. One day one of the privates was caught not grabbing his fruit. When the drill sergeant caught him, he made him stand there for the rest of chow (about 45 mins) screaming the whole time in the front leaning rest position, "Don't forget to grab a fruit, it’s both nutritious and delicious."
Mr. Toilet got soiled.
I was in Air Force basic. We had one toilet that everyone used and the others were kept pristine. One guy couldn't hold it and used one of the forbidden ones. For the rest of the day, he had to apologize, saying, "I'm sorry Mr. Toilet, I'll never soil you again." It was pretty hard not to laugh.
Air Force Basic Training -- apparently, one of the Trainees walked out without his cover, and proceeded to get lit up. His punishment was that for about an hour, he had to walk around kicking his hat back and forth, yelling "I HATE YOU, HAT ... IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT... WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!
Benjamin Franklin nailed it when he said, "Fatigue is the best pillow." True story, Benny. There's nothing like pushing your body so far past exhaustion that you'd willingly, even longingly, take a nap on a concrete slab.
And no one knows that better than military service members and we have the pictures to prove it.
This article originally appeared on Business Insider.
Former President George W. Bush is calling for an end to the partial government shutdown, which is about to hit the one-month mark and is currently the longest shutdown in US history.
In an appeal made on Instagram, the 43rd president called on "leaders on both sides to put politics aside, come together, and end this shutdown." The caption was posted with an image of him and former First Lady Laura Bush giving pizza to their Secret Service detail.
A special operations Marine is due in court on March 7 after being arrested last year for allegedly assaulting his girlfriend, Task & Purpose has learned.
Staff Sgt. Daniel Christopher Evans was arrested and charged with assault inflicting serious injury on July 29, 2018, according to Jennifer Dandron, a spokeswoman for police in Wilmington, North Carolina. Evans is currently assigned as a Critical Skills Operator with the 2nd Marine Raider Battalion at Camp Lejeune, North Carolina, according to the Marine Corps Personnel Locator.
Following Trump's inauguration, some supporters of ground combat integration assumed he would quickly move to reinstate a ban on women in jobs like the infantry. When this did not happen, advocates breathed a collective sigh of relief, and hundreds of qualified women charted a course in history by entering the newly opened occupational fields.
So earlier this week when the Wall Street Journal published an editorial against women in ground combat by conservative political commentator Heather Mac Donald, the inclination of many ground combat integration supporters was to dismiss it outright. But given Trump's proclivity to make knee jerk policy decisions in response to falling approval ratings and the court's tradition of deference to the military when it comes to policies affecting good order and discipline, it would be unwise to assume the 2016 lifting of the ban on women in ground combat is a done deal.