As with most mass shootings in recent U.S. history, disgraced airman Devin P. Kelley’s massacre of the First Baptist Church of Sutherland Springs, Texas, has put guns in the center of the national conversation — most notably, the Ruger AR-556 that Kelley’s 2014 bad-conduct discharge for viciously beating his wife and son should have prevented him from purchasing. And while those conversations are often accompanied by wide-eyed, often nonsensical media coverage of firearms, USA Today analysis of the AR-15 favored by mass shooters is by far the most hilarious.
In a brief video posted to Twitter on Nov. 8, USA Today offered up a strange overview of “the gun used in the Texas church shooting,” including the many possible attachments and modifications available for the AR-556 like a … chainsaw bayonet?
— USA TODAY (@USATODAY) November 8, 2017
Luckily, USA Today immediately realized that their informative little video was a bit confusing and sent out a clarification — sort of:
But just in case you were wondering: Yes, the chainsaw bayonet is real, and not just as part of your weekend Gears of War cosplay.
During the height of zombie apocalypse craze in 2012, just before The Walking Dead devolved into an unwatchable clusterfuck, Kentucky-based firearms company Doublestar showed off a Zombie X Chainsaw Rail Attachment at the annual SHOT show in Las Vegas. Mounted on a Picatinny rail and powered with a button-activated power pack bolted to the stock of a modified AK-47, the thing, well, actually works:
At the same time, the USA Today video is patently ridiculous. Yes, a chainsaw bayonet is a "possible" after-market modification, but hey, anything is possible if you dream it hard enough! Luckily, some folks are two steps ahead of us:
If you’re looking for a broader selection of nasty murder gear, there’s also an entire line of “weaponized chainsaws”offered up by survivalist tacticool Panacea X. But personally, I prefer this DIY version: