‘Get Me The F**k Off This Island,’ Reads Letter From Parris Island Marine

Humor
Rct. Stetson G. Sap, Platoon 2040, Golf Company, 2nd Recruit Training Battalion, writes a letter during his free time.
Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Aaron Bolser

If you’ve ever served in the U.S. military, chances are you’ve been here before: It’s the first or second week of boot camp, or basic training, or whatever the Air Force calls the place where it trains new recruits (camp?), and the drill sergeants are pulling out all the stops to ensure you reach your maximum potential for human suffering. From sun up to sun down — or, as is usually the case, from sun up to sun up — life is a never-ending cycle of getting smoked, cleaning stuff that isn’t actually dirty, and trying to remember what real food tastes like.


So, yes, basic training sucks. It’s an incubator for regret and nostalgia. At night, as you lie in your bunk and stare at the ceiling (or the bottom of another bunk), listening to the guys to your left and right fart out a day’s worth of chili mac MREs, and imagining all of the beer pong tournaments you’d be winning had you decided to go to college, you think: “What the fuck am I doing here?” And also: “Should I slip off to the latrine for a little ‘me time’ right now?”

Related: See What Happens When A Poolee Asks A Marine Drill Instructor, ‘What’s Up?’ »

For most of us, the suck is tolerable. We join the military expecting it. But within every training platoon, there’s always that guy — the one who seems to have mistaken the recruiting station for a travel agency that specializes in exotic fun-filled adventures to the Middle East. And the author of the note posted below, which recently surfaced on Reddit under the title, “My buddy is currently at Parris Island going through boot camp and this is a letter we received from him,”  is one of those guys. Behold, his heart-wrenching masterpiece.

Image courtesy of Imgur

U.S. Army Astronaut Lt. Col. Anne McClain is captured in this photo during a media opportunity while serving as backup crew for NASA Expedition 56 to the International Space Station May, 2018, at the Baikonur Cosmodrome, Kazakhstan. (NASA photo)

NASA is reportedly investigating one of its astronauts in a case that appears to involve the first allegations of criminal activity from space.

Read More Show Less
New York National Guard Soldiers and Airmen of the 24th Weapons of Mass Destruction Civil Support Team (CST) and 106th Rescue Wing prepare to identify and classify several hazardous chemical and biological materials during a collective training event at the Plum Island Animal Disease Research Facility, New York, May 2, 2018. (U.S. Army/Sgt. Harley Jelis)

The Department of Homeland Security stored sensitive data from the nation's bioterrorism defense program on an insecure website where it was vulnerable to attacks by hackers for over a decade, according to government documents reviewed by The Los Angeles Times.

The data included the locations of at least some BioWatch air samplers, which are installed at subway stations and other public locations in more than 30 U.S. cities and are designed to detect anthrax or other airborne biological weapons, Homeland Security officials confirmed. It also included the results of tests for possible pathogens, a list of biological agents that could be detected and response plans that would be put in place in the event of an attack.

The information — housed on a dot-org website run by a private contractor — has been moved behind a secure federal government firewall, and the website was shut down in May. But Homeland Security officials acknowledge they do not know whether hackers ever gained access to the data.

Read More Show Less
A U.S. Marine with Task Force Southwest observes Afghan National Army (ANA) 215th Corps soldiers move to the rally point to begin their training during a live-fire range at Camp Shorabak. (U.S. Marine Corps/Sgt. Luke Hoogendam)

By law, the United States is required to promote "human rights and fundamental freedoms" when it trains foreign militaries. So it makes sense that if the U.S. government is going to spend billions on foreign security assistance every year, it should probably systematically track whether that human rights training is actually having an impact or not, right?

Apparently not. According to a new audit from the Government Accountability Office, both the Departments of Defense and State "have not assessed the effectiveness of human rights training for foreign security forces" — and while the Pentagon agreed to establish a process to do so, State simply can't be bothered.

Read More Show Less
The Topeka Veterans Affairs Medical Center (Public domain)

The Kansas City VA Medical Center is still dealing with the fallout of a violent confrontation last year between one of its police officers and a patient, with the Kansas City Police Department launching a homicide investigation.

And now Topeka's VA hospital is dealing with an internal dispute between leaders of its Veterans Affairs police force that raises new questions about how the agency nationwide treats patients — and the officers who report misconduct by colleagues.

Read More Show Less
Jeannine Willard (Valencia County Detention Center)

A New Mexico woman was charged Friday in the robbery and homicide of a Marine Corps veteran from Belen late last month after allegedly watching her boyfriend kill the man and torch his car to hide evidence.

Read More Show Less