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Finally, The Futuristic Condom You Never Knew You Needed
Now, the HEX reengineered condom isn’t really “news,” considering how the Swedish “intimate lifestyle” company LELO dropped this ultra-thin, super-flexible tallywhacker-wrapper on the world nine months ago, but think of it this way: In those nine months you didn’t know about the HEX, you could have conceived and witnessed the birth of your very own living, breathing, defecating child. Don’t make the same mistake twice.
“But what about a Trojan or Magnum?!” you may yell, shaking your fists at the inescapable burdens of fatherhood that cause your genitals to retract into your torso faster than a shell from an electromagnetic railgun. Fuck that noise: The HEX wasn’t just designed to keep juices where they belong, but to maximize sensation and pleasure for you, the sex-haver, without getting in the way while you’re doing sexy sex stuff.
Speaking of sexy sex stuff, the HEX’s sexy sex-features include:
- Natural latex (for sex!)
- 0.045mm thin (for those are clueless about the metric system, this is very thin indeed)
- 54mm diameter (we’re not sure if that’s a wide enough holster for your sidearm ;) )
- “Lightly” lubricated (because we’re doing sex, not an impression of a Navy recruit)
Guys, this condom is so sciency that it uses honeycombs, the sexiest shape found in nature: “There’s a reason why honeycombs are the shape they are. Nature knows it, dragonflies know it, Fibonacci knew it, and we know it,” claims LELO. “Hexagons are strong, symmetrical, even, and tessellates perfectly — they’re nature’s go-to shape for strength and lightness.” Also, you can’t spell “hexagons” without S-E-X (and also a G and some other letters, but mainly those three).
Anyway, you can pick up a 36-pack of these futuristic bad boys for just $34.90, which is a perfectly acceptable price to pay to feel like Neil Armstrong thrusting into the great unknown from his science-built perch in the Apollo 11. Hell, that’s enough to buy a whole thing of Vaseline petroleum jelly — or, about one giant pack of diapers.
Kade Kurita, the 20-year-old West Point cadet who had been missing since Friday evening, was found dead on Tuesday night, the U.S. Military Academy announced early Wednesday morning.
"We are grieving this loss and our thoughts and prayers go out to Cadet Kurita's family and friends," Lt. Gen. Darryl Williams, superintendent of West Point, said in the release.
Mark Mitchell is stepping down as the acting assistant defense secretary for special operations and low-intensity conflict, a position he has held since late June, a defense official confirmed on Tuesday.
No information was immediately available about why Mitchell decided to resign. His last day will be Nov. 1 and he will be replaced by Thomas Alexander, who is currently leading the Defense Department's counternarcotics efforts, the defense official told Task & Purpose.
The U.S. Army's Next Generation Squad Weapon effort looked a lot more possible this week as the three competing weapons firms displayed their prototype 6.8mm rifles and automatic rifles at the 2019 Association of the United States Army's annual meeting.
Just two months ago, the Army selected General Dynamics Ordnance and Tactical Systems inc., Textron Systems and Sig Sauer Inc. for the final phase of the NGSW effort — one of the service's top modernization priorities to replace the 5.56mm M4A1 carbine and the M249 squad automatic weapon in infantry and other close-combat units.
Army officials, as well as the companies in competition, have been guarded about specific details, but the end result will equip combat squads with weapons that fire a specially designed 6.8mm projectile, capable of penetrating enemy body armor at ranges well beyond the current M855A1 5.56mm round.
There have previously been glimpses of weapons from two firms, but this year's AUSA was the first time all three competitors displayed their prototype weapons, which are distinctly different from one another.
We salute the Marine scout sniper who snuck up on an enemy completely naked except for a pair of boots
An expert sniper can sneak up on an enemy naked as the day he was born. It's not particularly advised, but one top sharpshooter did exactly that just to prove a point, Marine snipers told Insider.