Chuck Norris has a new TV special, so we're going to use this as an excuse to make a bunch of Chuck Norris jokes

Mandatory Fun
CAR WEEK | Chuck Norris's Guide to Epic Military Vehicles

In the average American home there are 1,392 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the house itself, as well as that new flat-screen TV in the living room that you're using to watch Norris' new History Channel special: Chuck Norris's Guide to Epic Military Vehicles.


In July, History launched the 40-minute-long feature hosted by the star of Walker, Texas Ranger, and the only man alive who can kill two stones with one bird. Fun fact, every single one of the military vehicles featured on the show has been non-scientifically rated as less lethal than Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.

For those who may not realize, in addition to being an actor, Norris is an Air Force veteran who destroyed the periodic table of elements because the only element he recognizes is the element of surprise. In the History special, Norris takes viewers on a tour of the Army's Stryker Combat Vehicle, the M1A2 Abrams Main Battle Tank, and a host of other military vehicles, like the Army and Marine Corps' new Humvee replacement: the Joint Light Tactical Vehicle.

While soldiers managed to wreck the JLTV just four days after receiving the new light-armored vehicle, Task & Purpose has heard from reliable sources that the JLTV on the set of the show wrecked itself once it became aware that Norris was interested in test-driving it.

While Chuck Norris's Epic Guide To Military Vehicles will air again on the History Channel before vanishing from memory on Sept. 4, like so many unused Chuck Norris jokes, you can still check it out online, as Military.com's Alex Hollings pointed out earlier this month.

Another fun fact about Chuck Norris' other on-screen performances is that the original title for Alien vs Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. However, the film was cancelled shortly after going into production because no one would pay to see a movie that was 20 seconds long.

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It wasn't until more than two weeks later authorities finally caught up to Michael Brown at his mom's home, which was the scene of the crime.

Brown stuffed himself into a tight spot in his camper during an hours-long search of the vehicle on Nov. 10, according to NBC affiliate WSLS in Virginia. A day earlier, cops said Brown fatally shot his mother's boyfriend, Rodney Brown. The AWOL Marine remained on the lam until Nov. 27, where he was finally apprehended without incident.

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Machinist's Mate Auxiliary Fireman Gabriel Antonio Romero of San Antonio, an armed watch-stander on the attack submarine USS Columbia, shot three civilian workers Dec. 4 and then turned a gun on himself while the sub rested in dry dock 2 for a major overhaul, the Navy said.

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Since the Washington Post first published the "Afghanistan papers," I have been reminded of a scene from "Apocalypse Now Redux" in which Army Col. Walter Kurtz reads to the soldier assigned to kill him two Time magazine articles showing how the American people had been lied to about Vietnam by both the Lyndon Johnson and Richard Nixon administrations.

In one of the articles, a British counterinsurgency expert tells Nixon that "things felt much better and smelled much better" during his visit to Vietnam.

"How do they smell to you, soldier?" Kurtz asks.

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Erik Prince arrives for the New York Young Republican Club Gala at The Yale Club of New York City in Manhattan in New York City, New York, U.S., November 7, 2019. (REUTERS/Jeenah Moon)

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