The life of a tactical dude gets lonely from time to time. While everyone else is obsessing over presidential elections, “The Bachelorette,” and kale salads, the tactical dude thinks only about the day when he can return to the battlefield and put his sick combat skills to good use. But what to do in the meantime? Well, for starters, he can call 1-900-TAC-TALK, a hotline for bearded gunslingers who want to talk to real life special operators about their deepest, darkest, top secrets.
Produced by Carnik Con, aka Carnivorous Kinetic Concepts, best known for their tongue-in-cheek firearms reviews, “Operator Hotline” is just one hilarious video in an archive of dozens, which the group uploaded to YouTube over the course of about three years. Unfortunately, the Missouri-based group, helmed by former Army combat engineer and Iraq War veteran Dugan Ashley, was suddenly disbanded in 2015, several months after Ashley announced on Facebook that he had been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis.
Given the circumstances, it doesn’t seem likely Carnik Con will ever resurface on the internet, but the group certainly made the most of their brief time in the spotlight. If you have an hour to spare, spend it watching everything on their YouTube channel. And make sure to have some lube handy, because tactical boners aren’t just likely. They’re guaranteed.