What Does The Infantry Actually Do All Day?

Humor
Photo via Facebook | Alpha Co/30th AG Bn (REC)

Several months ago, an inquisitive Redditor posted this query: “Hey infantry, what do you do all day?” The question elicited dozens of responses ranging from honest reflections on life in the infantry to laundry lists of common complaints that included timeless favorites like, “So much fucking cleaning,” and “Getting fucked with.” But then, in one beautiful masterstroke, a commenter writing under the handle 11A2011 stole the show. Instead of complaining about the infantry, 11A2011 did the opposite, describing the tedium of garrison life in utopian terms, as one could imagine it plays out in the mind of, say, a three-star who hasn’t experienced a pointless ass-chewing or cleaned a rifle since Desert Storm.


“You’ll spend the afternoon carefully and meticulously cleaning these weapons while joining your fellow Infantry brothers in a rousing debate about the merits of Bach vs. Mozart,” wrote 11A2011, “and the time will fly by.”      

Here’s the entire response, in all of its sarcastic glory:  

It's starts at a practical time in the morning with good, well rounded PT tailored to each individual Soldier's physical fitness level. Stretching is a priority and proper technique in all exercises is emphasized. That's followed by a nutritious breakfast served by a friendly cook.

You then get practical hands on training in the art of modern infantry tactics by qualified and motivated subject matter experts. The training is up to date and perfectly in line with our current global combat missions. Another healthy and delicious meal is followed by a motivating and morale lifting pep talk from your inspiring First Sergeant about important subjects that everyone is passionate about such as personal grooming and proper uniform wear. He'll use proper grammar and his grasp of the intricacies and complexities of the English language will make you respect him even more. You'll carry that morale boost into the afternoon where you'll be allowed access to an Arms Room full of the finest and most well maintained weapons on Earth. You'll spend the afternoon carefully and meticulously cleaning these weapons while joining your fellow Infantry brothers in a rousing debate about the merits of Bach vs. Mozart and the time will fly by. The weapons will be spotless and you will take great pride in your work.

When the day is over (promptly upon completion of your assigned tasks) you'll race over to the gym to beat the lines of motivated Infantrymen who can't wait to get in an extra round of PT. You'll then return to your lavishly furnished apartment that the Army has so generously provided for you and rehydrate for the next day. A quick phone call to your slender, virgin, age appropriate girlfriend (who has an education and good paying non-pole related job which she uses to support herself independent of you) will be followed by studying your Ranger Handbook and Infantry Field Manuals before drifting off as the soothing sound of females calling running cadences plays in your head.

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Benjamin Franklin nailed it when he said, "Fatigue is the best pillow." True story, Benny. There's nothing like pushing your body so far past exhaustion that you'd willingly, even longingly, take a nap on a concrete slab.

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