Of all the harrowing, intimidating arms and artillery dreamed up by military engineers over the last few centuries, few induce the instinctive evacuation of enemy bowels like the sight of a heavily-armed battle tank rolling up on a fortified position and crushing everything in its path. There’s a reason the M1 Abrams and its various iterations have remained a staple of the U.S. military’s front-line deployments: They’re big, they’re effective, and they scream “game over, man, game over!” the minute they rise over the horizon.
But the Abrams isn’t the only massive main battle tank to grace the imaginations of military designers, and the folks at RealLifeLore (in collaboration with Real Engineering) were kind enough to slap together a brief video rundown of the largest, most ridiculously oversized tanks in the history of modern warfare.
As Popular Mechanics points out, most of this video’s featured death wagons actually saw pants-shitting combat on real-life battlefields — the Abrams, the Char 2c, K-Wagen, and the Panzer VIII Maus. But boy, what I would give to roll downrange in a Landkreuzer P.1000 Ratte, the most aggressively ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen.
Personally approved by Hitler himself, this enormous metal juggernaut would have been as long as a regulation-sized basketball court, weighed 1,000 metric tons — 16 times more than the modern Abrams — and rocked 300 tons of munitions originally intended for naval cannons. Here’s a clip from a National Geographic documentary to give you a sense of scale:
Sadly, a Ratte prototype never saw production, but that’s probably a good thing in the end: If any tank’s going to take responsibility for epic trouser-soilings throughout the history of war, it should be the Abrams.
The Coast Guard is officially shit outta luck for a paycheck thanks to the government shutdown, which means that zero coasties have been paid to create some of the amazing memes being shared as a way to vent their frustration.
Vice President Mike Pence repeated President Donald Trump's claim that "ISIS has been defeated" in Syria on Wednesday just hours after several U.S. service members were killed by an ISIS suicide bomber in Manbij, Syria.
Soldiers, family and community gathered in Morehead City to render honors and witness the transfer and memorial of U.S. Army Sgt James Slape Nov. 9-11, 2018. Slape will hold a temporary resting place in Morehead City before ultimately moving to Arlington Cemetery. Slape supported Operations Resolute Support and Freedom Sentinel in Afghanistan. (U.S. Army National Guard Photo by Staff Sgt Leticia Samuels, North Carolina National Guard)
An ISIS suicide bomber killed four Americans in Manbij, Syria, on Wednesday.