Consider this a reminder that Cap’n Crunch is definitely stolen valor

Over the weekend, the airmen at MacDill Air Force Base made the mistake of inviting a known fraud into their midst

Consider this a reminder that Cap’n Crunch is definitely stolen valor

Over the weekend, the airmen at MacDill Air Force Base made the mistake of inviting a known fraud into their midst.

On Saturday, the official Twitter account of the Defense Commissary Agency (DeCA) welcomed Cap'n Crunch to the premises of the MacDill AFB commissary with a cheeky message.

This tweet is a perfect opportunity to remind DeCA that Cap'n Crunch isn't a captain at all but a fat fucking fraud.

In 2013, amid a series of questions regarding Crunch's uniform, the Navy confirmed that the fictional cereal mascot was probably just a commander due to the three stripes that appear on his sleeves in most representations.

Indeed, a deeper search of historical images conducted by NPR revealed and Cap'n Crunch often sported and inconsistent number of stripes on his uniform; in the MacDill AFB set-up, he's rocking the twin stripes of a lieutenant.

More importantly, a Navy spokesman told Foreign Policy that “personnel records do not show a “Cap'n Crunch” who currently serves or has served in the Navy.'”

Say it with me now: Cap'n Crunch is stolen valor and should not be allowed onto any base or into any commissary, ever, for all time — if only for the health of your teeth.

This has been a Task & Purpose public service announcement. Please show this article to your local security forces; we know they'll appreciate it.

Consider this a reminder that Cap’n Crunch is definitely stolen valor

Jared Keller

Jared Kelleris the executive editor of Task & Purpose. His writing has appeared in Aeon, the Los Angeles Review of Books, the New Republic, Pacific Standard, Smithsonian, and The Washington Post, among other publications. Contact the author here.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information