In other news, the Coast Guard has recovered a stolen tiki hut boat

“Don’t drink and boat!”

In some lighter news, Coasties are keeping things chill over at U.S. Coast Guard Station Key West, Florida, where they recently recovered a reportedly stolen tiki hut boat in the emerald waters of Hawk Channel.

“The person aboard showed signs of intoxication and was taken into custody,” U.S. Coast Guard Southeast tweeted on Wednesday, along with pictures of Coasties piloting the Margaritaville-style tiki hut back to shore. “Don’t drink and boat!”

What is a tiki hut boat, you ask? Well, it is what it sounds like: a floating tiki hut bar where guests can booze and schmooze while gliding along on warm Florida waters. The boats can carry up to six guests and accelerate up to four to six miles per hour, according to tiki boat cruise service Cruisin’ Tikis Key West.

Apparently the pilot of this particular tiki boat had a bit too much fun, and it’s difficult to blame them amidst news of riots and impeachment votes coming from Washington, D.C. Still, I envy the Coast Guardsmen who got to spend a sunny day hauling in that runaway vessel. Observers on Twitter seemed to echo this sentiment.

“The content we need rn,” wrote one Twitter user.

“I want one of those!” said another.

“This picture better be the plastered on every recruiting office in the United States,” wrote a Facebook user reacting to the news.

Indeed, the rescue of the tiki hut is right up there with the Coast Guard’s rescue of an inflatable unicorn last summer, which was hoisted from the waves after a shark interrupted a Coast Guard swim call in the Pacific Ocean. A brave Coastie scared away the animal with rifle fire, saving the day and lighting the internet on fire.

Just another day in America’s oldest sea service. Semper Paratus, and tiki tiki pina colada!

Related: These stick figure comics will change how you see the Coast Guard

David Roza

David Rozacovers the Air Force and anything Star Wars-related. He joined Task & Purpose in 2019, after covering local news in Maine and then FDA policy in Washington D.C. He loves hearing the stories of individual airmen and their families, and he also holds the unpopular opinion that Imperial stormtroopers are actually excellent marksmen. david.roza@taskandpurpose.com Contact the author here.

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