Take a look at this brief Navy anti-drug PSA. It's 60 seconds of your life well-wasted.
Produced by the Navy Alcohol and Drug Abuse Prevention office and published on Halloween, this business-casual ISIS hostage video explains how the wave of marijuana legalization measures cresting across the country may affect Navy personnel.
The message is simple: federal law and Navy policy prohibit marijuana consumption, no matter where you happen to be in the United States.
The real message is far simpler: Look how deeply uncool we are.
Here are the takeaways that I, a civilian and pothead, gleaned from this video.
1. Here's a giant map of states where pot is legal, just in case you needed a reminder on where you can blaze with relative impunity.
2. "A spouse caught with marijuana on a military installation could be barred from coming on base" seems like a great reminder that a well-placed doobie could keep your spouse from bugging you at work.
3. "Marijuana can really mess things up for a Navy family!" "And a Navy career!" This is actually true, if dumb, considering that the service has, like the Army, increasingly embraced drug waivers to fill its ranks.
Am I stoned, or is this the funniest PSA I've ever seen?
If anything it's a great reminder that the Canadian military may be chill as hell, but the U.S. armed forces still don't know how to talk about marijuana without sounding like total goons.