This toy mortar will let your kids drop (soft) warheads on foreheads

Now you can relive the glory days of screaming “fire for effect” before lobbing rounds down range, and you can do it from the comfort of your own backyard, or living room, without having to worry that some random staff sergeant is going to show up and chew you out for your unsat face scruff and Johnny Bravo 'do.

This toy mortar from Get Yours Here is fun for kids, and hell, even the whole family — if you believe the on-site advert — but let's be honest, we know who you're buying this for.

For a limited time, this plastic piece of bomb-launching is available for $34.99 online and comes with a 62×18×20cm mortar tube, chambered in 6 cm, with a bipod, base plate, three foam Nerf-like mortar rounds, and a maximum effective range of 6 meters. (Note: DD214 and belligerence not included with purchase.)

Now you know what to ask for on Christmas.(Get Yours Here)

And, as the store is quick to note, it actually fires: “It is not a model, its missiles can be launched,” and “includes three sponge missiles” — ahem, mortar rounds — “that don't hurt your child.”

Chances are it won't cause permanent hearing damage, either! Hurray!

Thanks to this dart lobbing piece of plastic you can share your fond memories of your time downrange, packing horseshoes of Cope Long Cut, and playing spades round the clock while everyone in the CoC wonders where the hell the mortar crew is, with your kids!

That said, parents might want to consider swapping dip with Big League Chew, and spades for Uno.