Get Task & Purpose in your inbox
Maybe We All Talked With The Russian Ambassador And Forgot About It
I don’t know, anything is possible? It’s been a weird couple of years. I saw a glowing ghost dog late one night outside the latrine in Iraq. I got drunk with someone who used to be on “Boy Meets World.” And it’s altogether possible I, and you, had conversations with Russian Ambassador to the United States Sergey Kislyak, and the shit just slipped our minds till now.
We’re not alone in this. It happens to lots of men. Top men. Jeff Sessions! The top law enforcer in America, the boss of a bureaucracy of more than 100,000 investigators and prosecutors and intelligence gatherers whose every move has implications for our safety and liberty. Smart guy, right? But sometimes a senator asks you what you’d do to investigate contacts between Trump campaign people and Russian government envoys, and you want to give an affirmative answer, and you tell him you’ve never had any contacts like that yourself, totally forgetting those two times in summer 2016 you chatted with Sergey, including that one encounter at the Republican National Convention where, you know, the election might have come up. No big deal. People forget things. Don’t make a big thing out of it. I mean, come on, what the hell is this, false Senate testimony given under oath or something? Chill out.
Everybody’s doing it! Mike Flynn. Great S-2 guy, right? He’s got a lot on his mind. Dude asks Flynn if he ever discussed U.S. sanctions against Russia with Sergey. Flynn tells the dude no. That dude, who’s also named Mike, goes on TV and tells everyone Flynn’s never talked to Sergey. And it turns out Flynn actually had a bunch of calls to Sergey, and they discussed sanctions. Sometimes you just forget, you know? Like, if that other Mike who went on TV wasn’t vice president of the United States, would you even know about this? Probably not! Chill out.
And, you know, there’s those old reports about three other guys in the Trump campaign being investigated by the FBI for “repeated contacts with Russian intelligence.” But we still don’t know a lot about that. Did they get to talk to Sergey? Probably not. Even if so, Sergey’s not, like, this evil intelligence mastermind. He’s a diplomat. He’s nice! Isn’t it nice to know nice people? Chill out.
All I’m saying is before you start freaking on all these people for hypocritically burying the same sort of shady dealings they trashed the Clintons for, before you jump in with the Republicans on Capitol Hill who are demanding answers from Sessions or even suggesting he committed a crime, you should ask yourself: Am I without sin here? Do I not love Sergey? Did we talk privately last year and I forgot it? Isn’t he dreamy? Am I in a dream now? Is nothing real?
All signs point to yes. Chill out!
'What happens after that is out of their control' — Former military leaders and lawyers react to Trump's war crimes pardons
On Friday, President Donald Trump intervened in the cases of three U.S. service members accused of war crimes, granting pardons to two Army soldiers accused of murder in Afghanistan and restoring the rank of a Navy SEAL found guilty of wrongdoing in Iraq.
While the statements coming out of the Pentagon regarding Trump's actions have been understandably measured, comments from former military leaders and other knowledgable veterans help paint a picture as to why the president's Friday actions are so controversial.
Raccoon infestations and extreme rust didn’t stop an anonymous buyer from nabbing this Soviet-era submarine
A former Soviet submarine that became a tourist attraction docked adjacent to the Queen Mary in Long Beach is expected to be sold soon to an anonymous buyer, with plans to remove the rusting sub by mid-May.
The 48-year-old Russian Foxtrot-class submarine, known as the Scorpion, had hosted paying visitors for 17 years before it fell into such disrepair that it became infested with raccoons and was closed to the public in 2015.
Former Army 1st Lt. Clint Lorance, whom President Donald Trump recently pardoned of his 2013 murder conviction, claims he was nothing more than a pawn whom generals sacrificed for political expediency.
The infantry officer had been sentenced to 19 years in prison for ordering his soldiers to open fire on three unarmed Afghan men in 2012. Two of the men were killed.
During a Monday interview on Fox & Friends, Lorance accused his superiors of betraying him.
"A service member who knows that their commanders love them will go to the gates of hell for their country and knock them down," Lorance said. "I think that's extremely important. Anybody who is not part of the senior Pentagon brass will tell you the same thing."
"I think folks that start putting stars on their collar — anybody that has got to be confirmed by the Senate for a promotion — they are no longer a soldier, they are a politician," he continued. "And so I think they lose some of their values — and they certainly lose a lot of their respect from their subordinates — when they do what they did to me, which was throw me under the bus."
Fifteen years after the U.S. military toppled the regime of Saddam Hussein, the Army's massive two-volume study of the Iraq War closed with a sobering assessment of the campaign's outcome: With nearly 3,500 U.S. service members killed in action and trillions of dollars spent, "an emboldened and expansionist Iran appears to be the only victor.
Thanks to roughly 700 pages of newly-publicized secret Iranian intelligence cables, we now have a good idea as to why.
A U.S. Air Force combat controller will receive the nation's third highest award for valor this week for playing an essential role in two intense firefight missions against the Taliban in Afghanistan last year.
Tech. Sgt. Cody Smith, an airman with the 26th Special Tactics Squadron, 24th Special Operations Wing at Air Force Special Operations Command, will receive the Silver Star at Cannon Air Force Base, New Mexico on Nov. 22, the service announced Monday.