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5 Pairs Of Underwear That Will Save Your Ass Every Time
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I brought a lot of important lessons to the civilian world when I left the U.S. Army, but there's one very important lesson that I actually carried over from the civilian world when I enlisted: the importance of the right pair of undies.
I went to Busch Gardens in Tampa, Florida when I was 12 years old and spent the day riding the hell out of some roller coasters. About halfway through the day, I thought it would be a good idea to go on a water ride and get wet; I was wearing board shorts, so I was good to go, right? Hell no. If you've never gone to an amusement park, there's usually a lot of walking involved. By mid-afternoon, my chubby middle school ass had to waddle around the park like a cartoon bull rider because it hurt so bad to take normal steps.
I have never forgotten how miserable that experience was — and when I was in the field, rucking, or deployed, I made my underwear decisions carefully instead of going 'commando."
I used to go with Under Armour Boxer Briefs but now I go with Adidas Climalite Boxer Briefs. Both are good, but the Adidas are a bit shorter. They don't ride up in uniform or dress pants, they keep the boys cool in the desert and snug in Minnesota winters. They wick moisture, are light for packing, no chafey-chafe (Side note: bodyglide is your friend for long ass movements -- or use a deodorant stick for a field expedient method). But more importantly: they make my ass look great!
I asked some vets what their go-to undies were in the field environment. Here's what we're working with so far.
“They don't bunch, they don't ride, and they don't pull your pubes out."
- Aaron P., Forward Observer, U.S. Army
“These are hands down the most comfortable underwear I have ever worn. Sure they can get expensive when not on sale, but I never notice they are there, and they feel like an angel is reaching their hand down and cradling my balls all day with skin softer than a baby's bottom after a good powdering.
A quick rinse and they dry in minutes, not hours, and can be easily washed on the go. They are antimicrobial, so I don't smell them after a hard day's work. 11/10 would place balls in again."
- Alex R., Civil Affairs Sergeant, U.S. Army
“There's a sense of freedom one inherits when you silk up. The ability to, at any time, drop trou and perform a myriad of activities and be properly dressed. Swimming - done; running - done; drinking - done; sleeping - done; shooting - done; hot date - done. An image of confidence. A relaxed set to keep the package loose."
- CT D., Former Marine, Company Commander, U.S. Army
And without leaving our female counterparts out of the mix...
“They put a little bit of female back into being a soldier. Being able to maintain an aspect of womanhood was everything."
- Jackie G., Commo Specialist, U.S. Army
It sounds like spending a little more money on the front-end can save a lot of ass pain on the back-end — literally. But what about you? What are your go-to set of underoos and why?
Every once in a while, we run across a photo in The Times-Picayune archives that's so striking that it begs a simple question: "What in the name of Momus Alexander Morgus is going on in this New Orleans photograph?" When we do, we've decided, we're going to share it — and to attempt to answer that question.
MUSCAT (Reuters) - The United States should keep arming and aiding the Kurdish-led Syrian Democratic Forces (SDF) following the planned U.S. withdrawal from Syria, provided the group keeps up the pressure on Islamic State, a senior U.S. general told Reuters on Friday.
Trump: $6.1 billion in DoD money going to border wall wasn’t for anything that seemed ‘too important to me’
President Donald Trump claims the $6.1 billion from the Defense Department's budget that he will now spend on his border wall was not going to be used for anything "important."
Trump announced on Friday that he was declaring a national emergency, allowing him to tap into military funding to help pay for barriers along the U.S.-Mexico border.
Long before Tony Stark took a load of shrapnel to the chest in a distant war zone, science fiction legend Robert Heinlein gave America the most visceral description of powered armor for the warfighter of the future. Forget the spines of extra-lethal weaponry, the heads-up display, and even the augmented strength of an Iron Man suit — the real genius, Heinlein wrote in Starship Troopers, "is that you don't have to control the suit; you just wear it, like your clothes, like skin."
"Any sort of ship you have to learn to pilot; it takes a long time, a new full set of reflexes, a different and artificial way of thinking," explains Johnny Rico. "Spaceships are for acrobats who are also mathematicians. But a suit, you just wear."
First introduced in 2013, U.S. Special Operations Command's Tactical Assault Light Operator Suit (TALOS) purported to offer this capability as America's first stab at militarized powered armor. And while SOCOM initially promised a veritable Iron Man-style tactical armor by 2018, a Navy spokesman told Task & Purpose the much-hyped exoskeleton will likely never get off the launch pad.
"The prototype itself is not currently suitable for operation in a close combat environment," SOCOM spokesman Navy Lt. Phillip Chitty told Task & Purpose, adding that JATF-TALOS has no plans for an external demonstration this year. "There is still no intent to field the TALOS Mk 5 combat suit prototype."
D-Day veteran James McCue died a hero. About 500 strangers made sure of it.
"It's beautiful," Army Sgt. Pete Rooney said of the crowd that gathered in the cold and stood on the snow Thursday during McCue's burial. "I wish it happened for every veteran's funeral."