By J.G. Noll
We figured, if Forever 21 can pass off Army PT shirts as fashion–Stop trying to make fetch happen, Forever 21!– and Kylie Jenner actually Instagrammed herself in a butchered Army shirt that reportedly costs $65 dollars, then why not us.
Because if a ratty Army t-shirt can go for $40, then what else could we turn into fashion from our closets and garages?
Note: We’re totally joking.
Ditch your shorts for silkies! Roll the waistband until they’re as teeny as you want them (remember that awful trend from the mid-00s?!). They might smell a little (a lot) bad and have some weird holes or be threadbare in unseemly places, but pair it with a black shirt, and you’re good to go. If you want to look extra haute, wear a knock-off Forever 21 PT shirt (ie. just rustle around at the bottom of your closet for awhile).
2. PT belt
Flourescent colors were all the rage a few years ago. Bring that neon palette back with a burn-your-eyes-out yellow PT belt. Use it to accent your waist… or cinch that super-fashionable PT shirt. Bonus feature: If you’re ever broken down at night, you can use your chic accessory to signal passing cars for help. Or confuse someone who’s hopped up on Molly at a rave.
Going on an overnight trip? Cram everything you need to take along in your spouse’s seabag! Level up by taking a Beadazzler to that thing. Go nuts!
4. Combat boots
Who needs Timberlands when you can just steal your hubby or wifey’s boots? Be extra cool and don’t tie the laces. . . just shuffle around. If anyone asks you, tell them one of the Kardashians wears them. (Because we’re sure that at least one of them has at some point.) And if your spouse needs their boots, tell them too bad– fashion calls!
Channel French style by topping off your outfit with a wool beret. (Yeah, we don’t really have much to say about that. Berets are actually pretty cute.)
Canteen. . . or fashion-forward purse? You won’t be able to put much in it or get much out of it, but functionality has never stopped a wanna-be fashionista before!
Bring back the late-90’s poncho trend with a woobie. . . and a pair of scissors. Eat your heart out, Pinterest and Etsy!
8. Trench coat
Ah yes, the unworn military-issue trench coat that has been hanging in your closet and shlepped across the country–and world–more times than you can count. Grab it off the hanger and put it to good use. Bonus points if you wear it to homecoming for a very is-she-or-isn’t-she-wearing-something-under-that look that will make all of the parents with kids extra uncomfortable around you. (Joke’s on them: You’re wearing those silkies!)
While we’re joking about this. . . we won’t be shocked if we hear that Forever 21 (or another shop) is debuting these looks next week.