Thank you to our guest blogger, Bobbi Pack, from!

Being a military spouse is not a job, you do not need to put it in your resume or interview.  It is simply the lifestyle you chose when you married a person in uniform or if your spouse joined after you were already married.  Here are a few tips to help and perhaps give you a little “cheat sheet” on what NOT to say to other military spouses or service members.

1. Stay away from the NEGATIVE NANCY’S in your spouse’s unit or your neighborhood!!

2. Do not get caught up in drama on Post or on Facebook! Trust me it is just not worth it.

3. Do not try to do your spouses job for them.

4. Stay positive with your spouse and kiddos, remember this lifestyle is hard on everyone.  You have to stay happy and move forward….cherish the past, live today and dream tomorrow. 

5. Don’t believe all the rumors you hear about FRGs, you need to go to a meeting and see for yourself. 

6. Don’t ask or speak like you know EVERYTHING about the military….trust me I have been an Army Wife for many years and I learn something new every day.

7. Do not go to your spouse’s chain of command about every little tiny thing… remember they are here to help you when needed not to be your gossip corner. It is very important to remember your spouse needs to focus on the mission at hand not be called into his or her commander’s office every 24 seconds.

8. Do not bash your spouse chain of command to other spouses.  You need to stay positive.  If you need to complain to anyone, try your spouse or Chaplin.

9. Try your hardest to make coming home easy for your spouse.   It is very hard for everyone to adjust to the “coming home period” try not to fight with them…. remember their professional life consists of being guarded and fighting.  So, they do not want to do that at home too.

10. Try not to get upset when your spouse’s cell phone goes off all the time, during the middle of a conversation, at 3:00 a.m. and or if it is a service member of the opposite sex. Your spouse has to answer the phone as they are basically on duty 24/7.  

11. Do not yell at them if they are late for dinner or stuck at work as they have to wait for close of business day formation. They are on military time not your time.

12. Try to get to know other spouses in your neighborhood and in your spouse’s unit/company. Don’t walk away from other spouses because they are new to this lifestyle… remember they are learning too and need a shoulder or ear from time to time.

13. Nothing is EVER set in stone! Don’t ever get your hopes up or believe anything you hear until it is happening… the military can and will change their minds.

14. Just be your spouse’s partner and remember you do not have a rank in the military. Whether you are an enlisted or officer spouse you are not and never will be more important than your neighbor.

15. Be yourself and do not listen to what others say… you need to experience this lifestyle for yourself and make up your own mind.

16. Do not ever take your time with your spouse for granted… they will be gone a lot in the field or deployed, so do things with them and love them every second.

I hope this “cheat sheet” helps you when it comes to what to not do or say in the military community. Remember we have all been there or are going to be there so stay away from the drama and try to be positive.  This lifestyle is what you make it.  You only live once, but if you work it right once is enough!


Bobbi has over ten years of experience in marketing and broadcast as well as a BA from Ottawa University and an MSM from Baker University.  Bobbi has many years of experience being a military spouse and loves to share her experiences, challenges, and highlights with other military spouses.

You can check out more of Bobbi’s blogs and military deals and discounts at