Do you remember the first time you saw a Rembrandt painting in real life and it gripped you? Can you recall the vomit-soaked giddiness of your shop’s first bachelor party? Reader: Prepare yourself for the next level. We have found The Most Marine Corps Wedding Ever Compiled In A Single Tweet:

This tweet has everything. Marines rocking the morning-after, puked-so-hard-my-shirt-came-untucked look. Incredibly patient spouse. Soberest guy standing at a respectful parade rest in his PT gear. A junior sailor officiating in his Navy-issue raincoat. Hooters. A wedding night in the company bay. A modified judogi. Divorce.

Twitter
“This is my black belt, Mother. From Marines.”

Amazingly, that’s not actually a martial arts getup, just a bridegroom who stumbled out of the ’90s right into this ceremony, and, like, needed to expedite things because there was an OJ-and-vodka bottle in the beach parking lot waiting to be gargled:

Also, that’s not a priest.

And while “Semper Fi” may not have applied in this particular case, let’s at least file it under “Semper Freaky.”

We salute you, @vivanhottenbox — even though, as a Navy vet yourself, you knew better. Thank you for your service, in all its forms.