Get Task & Purpose in your inbox
The transcript of the pilots talking through their creation of 'sky dong' is even better than their drawing
It's long been known that two Navy pilots were behind the infamous "sky dick" episode of 2017, but thanks to Geoff Ziezulewicz at Navy Times, we have a cockpit transcript of the ballsy pair of aviators as they formulated and then executed their flight into military aviation history.
"Draw a giant penis. That would be awesome," the electronic warfare officer told the pilot after they had finished a training flight near Naval Air Station Whidbey Island on Nov. 16, 2017, according to a report of the investigation into the incident obtained by Navy Times.
The investigation, thankfully, included the in-flight conversation from a video recording system in the aircraft, and it is absolutely hilarious.
"What did you do on your flight?" the pilot joked in response to the EWO's suggestion. "Oh, we turned dinosaurs into sky penises."
"You should totally try to draw a penis," the EWO said again, stopping just short of hitting him with a "no balls" comment that always leads to smart decisions.
The pilot then said "that would be easy" to do, explaining to the EWO that he could draw a figure-eight pattern to make a giant majestic penis from the contrail of his EA-18G "Growler" aircraft that "airliners coming back on their way into Seattle" would be able to see.
"We could almost draw a vein in the middle of it too."
Eventually, they got down to business. And with training and precision that will no doubt inspire naval aviators of the future, they calmly talked through their flight to make sure the sky penis was as amazing as possible.
Here's Navy Times:
"Balls are going to be a little lopsided," the pilot advised.
"Balls are complete," he reported moments later. "I just gotta navigate a little bit over here for the shaft."
"Which way is the shaft going?" the EWO asked.
"The shaft will go to the left," the pilot answered.
"It's gonna be a wide shaft," the EWO noted.
"I don't wanna make it just like 3 balls," the pilot said.
"Let's do it," the EWO said. "Oh, the head of that penis is going to be thick."
"Some like Chinese weather satellite right now that's like, 'what the (expletive)?'" the pilot surmised.
"To get out of this, I'm gonna go like down and to the right," the pilot said. "And we'll come back up over the top and try to take a look at it."
"I have a feeling the balls will have dissipated by then," his partner answered.
"It's possible," the pilot said.
They flew away to a distance where they could take in their work.
They cracked up in the cockpit as their sky penis came into full view, snapping pics they would later delete once they realized their command would likely go apoplectic.
"Oh yes, that was (expletive)ing amazing," the pilot said. "This is so obvious."
"That's a (expletive)," the EWO said. "Dude, I'm amazed that this stayed."
As the pair took in their majestic aerial artwork, it then dawned on them that, holy crap, this thing is really staying in place and a whole lot of people are going to see this, according to the investigation: "Soon after, I realized the extent of our actions," the pilot wrote later.
Of course, we know the rest of this story. Once they were on the ground, images of the sky dong were already moving rapidly around the internet, which inspired countless news stories, copycat attempts by other military aviators, and even think-pieces in their defense.
NASA is reportedly investigating one of its astronauts in a case that appears to involve the first allegations of criminal activity from space.
Hackers could have breached US bioterrorism defenses for years, records show. We'll never know if they did
The Department of Homeland Security stored sensitive data from the nation's bioterrorism defense program on an insecure website where it was vulnerable to attacks by hackers for over a decade, according to government documents reviewed by The Los Angeles Times.
The data included the locations of at least some BioWatch air samplers, which are installed at subway stations and other public locations in more than 30 U.S. cities and are designed to detect anthrax or other airborne biological weapons, Homeland Security officials confirmed. It also included the results of tests for possible pathogens, a list of biological agents that could be detected and response plans that would be put in place in the event of an attack.
The information — housed on a dot-org website run by a private contractor — has been moved behind a secure federal government firewall, and the website was shut down in May. But Homeland Security officials acknowledge they do not know whether hackers ever gained access to the data.
The State Department doesn't really care if its human rights training for partner security forces is working or not
By law, the United States is required to promote "human rights and fundamental freedoms" when it trains foreign militaries. So it makes sense that if the U.S. government is going to spend billions on foreign security assistance every year, it should probably systematically track whether that human rights training is actually having an impact or not, right?
Apparently not. According to a new audit from the Government Accountability Office, both the Departments of Defense and State "have not assessed the effectiveness of human rights training for foreign security forces" — and while the Pentagon agreed to establish a process to do so, State simply can't be bothered.
A Kansas VA hospital police supervisor reported 'dangerous' deficiencies among his officers. Now he says he faced retaliation
The Kansas City VA Medical Center is still dealing with the fallout of a violent confrontation last year between one of its police officers and a patient, with the Kansas City Police Department launching a homicide investigation.
And now Topeka's VA hospital is dealing with an internal dispute between leaders of its Veterans Affairs police force that raises new questions about how the agency nationwide treats patients — and the officers who report misconduct by colleagues.
A New Mexico woman was charged Friday in the robbery and homicide of a Marine Corps veteran from Belen late last month after allegedly watching her boyfriend kill the man and torch his car to hide evidence.