I Have No Idea What’s Happening In The New Trailer For ‘The Predator’ And I’m Totally Fine With That

Entertainment
20th Century Fox

The first trailer for The Predator is trailer is here, and it looks like the latest installment in the franchise about our favorite man-skinning extraterrestrial will line up perfectly with the last four — which is to say the plot will probably make zero fucking sense, but it should be fun to watch:


Like the other three Predator films (not counting the spin-offs), the newest stars our masked alien with a mug only a facehugger could love who travels to Earth for science fiction’s version of big game hunting. And what’s likely to ensue is a bunch of mad and chaotic violence, intense visual effects and terrible dialogue.

A story you can actually follow? Nah, we’ve got guns.

Character development? Fuck that, space guns!

Tests of morality, or you know, some moment where the good guys have to prove their more than just a trigger finge— hell no, arm blades, bitch!

That’s the Predator series in a nutshell: Reliably violent and highly entertaining, but not much for story. Just take a look at Fox’s description for the teaser:

From the outer reaches of space to the small-town streets of suburbia, the hunt comes home in Shane Black's explosive reinvention of the Predator series. Now, the universe's most lethal hunters are stronger, smarter and deadlier than ever before, having genetically upgraded themselves with DNA from other species. When a young boy accidentally triggers their return to Earth, only a ragtag crew of ex-soldiers and a disgruntled science teacher can prevent the end of the human race.

Okay, so we’ve got weird hybrid predator-human, predator-xenomorph, or predator-whatever-the-fuck monster babies hunting folks. I can dig that. Then there’s a kid who appears to get a mail order suit of Predator armor, because you can totally buy that on Amazon. There’ll likely be some random cameos and head nods to the past flicks for good measure.

Then there’s the group of vets and some paramilitary outfit, led by Boyd Holbrook (Logan, Narcos), who are on a mission to “kill these fucking aliens.” And that’s really what anyone wants to see anyway, right? We’re all just here to watch what happens when you bring a bunch of 5.56 to a plasma cannon fight, and then have to “get to the choppa” when everything goes south.

Fortunately, we’ll find out Sept. 14 when The Predator premieres. God help us all.

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