--- title: "Trump And The Army Share A Birthday — What Else Do They Have In Common?" date: "2017-06-14" modified: "2017-06-14" authors: - name: "Jared Keller" job_title: "Former Managing Editor" link: "https://taskandpurpose.com/authors/jaredkeller/" url: "https://taskandpurpose.com/news/trump-army-birthday-satire/" categories: - "Analysis" - "Army" - "Military Branches" - "News" tags: - "donald trump" - "the white house" --- # Trump And The Army Share A Birthday — What Else Do They Have In Common? ![]() Happy birthday, Donald Trump! You’re 71 today, the [oldest person]() ever elected president of the United States. And as commander-in-chief of the nation’s armed forces, you also happen to share a birthday with one of the mighty service branches under your command: [the U.S. Army](), which is celebrating 242 years of protecting the freedoms of American citizens. But what else do these two titans of geopolitical power have in common? Let’s explore in a side-by-side comparison, shall we? ### Full name: **Army:** The United States Army **Trump:** Donald John Trump ### Position: **Army:** Largest branch of the U.S. armed forces **Trump:** President of the United States of America ### Length of service to country: **Army:** 88,328 days **Trump:** 145 days ### Notable conflicts: **Army:** The American Revolution, the War of 1812, Mexican-American War, American Civil War, the Spanish-American War, the Philippine-American War, World War I, World War II, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, Operation Desert Storm, the Global War on Terror **Trump:** Sex in the 1980s, which Trump once [called]() “his own personal Vietnam." (Trump avoided experiencing the real Vietnam [thanks to five deferments]()) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1wyTNvaDdI ### Notable foes: **Army:** The militaries of the U.K., Spain, Mexico, the Confederate States of America, Germany (twice!), Japan, Russia, North Korea, Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan and the so-called Islamic State. **Trump:** Sexually transmitted disease (see above), [Gold Star parents Khizr and Ghazala Khan](), “[fake news](),” former FBI director James Comey. ### Notable commanders: **Army:** George Washington, Robert E. Lee, Ulysses S. Grant, John Pershing, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Douglas MacArthur, George Patton, Matthew Ridgway, H. Norman Schwarzkopf **Trump:** Who cares? After all, Trump has [said]() he knows “more about ISIS than the generals do, believe me," even though he just handed authority over U.S. troop levels in Afghanistan over to Secretary of Defense James Mattis. ### Notable weapons: **Army:** The M9, M11, and M17 pistols; the MP5 submachine gun; the M16, M4, M231 FPW, and HK416 assault rifles, the 500 MILLS and M1014 shotguns, the M249, M240, and Browning M2 machine guns; the Mk 14 Enhanced Battle Rifle, M110 and M107 sniper rifles; the M320 grenade launcher; the AT4, M141, and M72 LAW anti-material weapons; the FIM-92 Stinger anti-aircraft missile; and the M224 and M252 mortars, among others. **Trump: His Twitter account,** [@realDonaldTrump]() ### Notable vehicles: **Army:** The M1 Abrams main battle tank, M2 and M3 Bradley fighting vehicles, and M1120 SEries and M113 armored personnel carriers, among others. **Trump:** Air Force One, Marine One, and [a golf cart]() ### Standard diet: **Army:** The blood of America’s enemies, MREs (wartime); chili mac, MREs (peacetime) **Trump:** Trump Tower meatloaf, KFC, and Diet Coke https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/760299757206208512 ### PFT requirements: **Army:** Two minutes of push-ups, two minutes of sit-ups, and a timed 2-mile run. **Trump:** lol ### Birthday message: **Army:** https://twitter.com/USArmy/status/874998656641925120 **Trump:** https://twitter.com/fmanjoo/status/874972530561269760 ### Number of national drafts experienced: **Army:** Four **Trump:** One ### Number of calls for military service met: **Army:** Four **Trump:** Zero **WATCH NEXT:** ## Author Jared Keller is the former managing editor of Task & Purpose. His writing has appeared in Aeon, the Los Angeles Review of Books, the New Republic, Pacific Standard, Smithsonian, and The Washington Post, among other publications. ### Author social links [Twitter]() [Facebook]() [LinkedIn]() [Instagram]()