A Congressman Just Proposed The World's Greatest Health Care Plan. Literally

U.S. House

Finally, years after it became a rallying cry for Republicans across the country, a GOP bill to repeal and replace Obamacare is in Congress’s hands. Actually, several have turned up. And one of them? It’s the world’s greatest health care plan of 2017. No really, that’s its name.

Since then-President Barack Obama signed the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act into law in 2010, Republicans have railed against its health-insurance mandate for all Americans. But replacing a complex plan that expands Medicaid and insures tens of millions isn’t easy. The official GOP repeal-and-replace plan, unveiled Monday, has been beaten to a pulp not just by liberals, but by conservatives, as well, who are afraid it keeps too many of Obamacare’s myriad promises intact. Even Donald Trump has said the bill is up for “review and negotiation.”

Related: 5 Things You Need to Know About the GOP’s Obamacare Replacement»

But Republican Rep. Pete Sessions of Texas perhaps inspired by Trump’s penchant for gentle understatement, is sure that no matter how many revisions or amendments it goes through, his Obamacare replacement— filed just before the administration’s bill was unveiled, on March 1 — is the best, absolutely wonderful, just terrific.

“This Act may be cited as the ‘World’s Greatest Healthcare Plan of 2017,’” reads Section 1(a) of H.B. 1275, a bill “to eliminate the individual and employer health coverage mandates under the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act.”

Silly-named legislation is something of an American tradition, from 2011’s Obamacare repeal bill — the Revoke Excessive Policies that Encroach on American Liberties, or REPEAL, Act — to 1997’s Democratic-sponsored No Private Contracts to Be Negotiated When the Patient Is Buck Naked Act. And, of course, there’s the PATRIOT Act, because nothing is more patriotic than letting the government dabble in indefinite detention and warrantless searches.

What makes Sessions’ bill so great? Well, for starters, it’s so small — even smaller than the 128-page GOP bill that had Sean Spicer doing a measuring act for reporters on Tuesday:

Of course, Sessions’ and the administration’s bills are likely to get a lot bigger once pols and lobbyists lard them with the same sorts of industry giveaways that ended up in Obamacare. But they’ll still be the world’s greatest! Of 2017! If you think that’s amazing, wait till you see the Obamacare repeal bills they put up in 2018, after these great bills die on the congressional floor.

The Coast Guard is officially shit outta luck for a paycheck thanks to the government shutdown, which means that zero coasties have been paid to create some of the amazing memes being shared as a way to vent their frustration.

Read More Show Less

Vice President Mike Pence repeated President Donald Trump's claim that "ISIS has been defeated" in Syria on Wednesday just hours after several U.S. service members were killed by an ISIS suicide bomber in Manbij, Syria.

Read More Show Less
Soldiers, family and community gathered in Morehead City to render honors and witness the transfer and memorial of U.S. Army Sgt James Slape Nov. 9-11, 2018. Slape will hold a temporary resting place in Morehead City before ultimately moving to Arlington Cemetery. Slape supported Operations Resolute Support and Freedom Sentinel in Afghanistan. (U.S. Army National Guard Photo by Staff Sgt Leticia Samuels, North Carolina National Guard)

An ISIS suicide bomber killed four Americans in Manbij, Syria, on Wednesday.

Read More Show Less

Comedian Steve Carell will be starring in an upcoming Netflix show about the new Space Force that's being described as a "workplace comedy."

Yeah, that's right. The Office, but in freaking space.

Read More Show Less