Osama Bin Laden Was Surprisingly Lax About Masturbation

Humor
Screenshot via YouTube

Everyone knows that whacking off and war go together, hand in hand, if you will. This applies to the enemy as well, and Osama bin Laden was no exception. Evidently, the al Qaeda leader and mastermind behind the Sept. 11, 2001 attacks had a pretty lax stance on jihadi masturbation.


Found among documents in his compound, a top secret letter, in addition to that epic porn stash collected in 2015, confirms that bin Laden had a surprisingly liberal view when it came to solo sex.

The top-secret letter purportedly gave jihadists the green light to go it alone, particularly while carrying out God’s will without their wives present.

“As we see it, we have no objection to clarifying to the brothers that they may, in such conditions, masturbate, since this is an extreme case,” the letter reads.

Evidently, bin Laden had it on good authority that the act of self-love was “approved” by “the ancestors” for jihadi relief.

Still, in concluding his letter, he pulled back and questioned if it might be best just to “stick to the recommendation of total patience and seek help through fasting?”

Staff Sgt. Stevon A. Booker, a 3rd Infantry Division Soldier who was assigned to Company A, 1st Battalion, 64th Armor Regiment and killed in action in Iraq in 2003, is depicted in a photo illustration alongside the Distinguished Service Cross medal, which he is slated to posthumously receive for his heroic actions during Operation Iraqi Freedom, April 5, 2018, in Pittsburgh, Pa. (U.S. Army)

Editor's Note: This article by Matthew Cox originally appeared onMilitary.com, a leading source of news for the military and veteran community.

The U.S. Army has announced it will upgrade a former 3rd Infantry Division soldier's Silver Star to a Distinguished Service Cross for his bravery during the unit's "Thunder Run" attack on Baghdad, Iraq, in 2003.

Read More Show Less
KCNA

HANOI (Reuters) - North Korean leader Kim Jong Un told the U.S. secretary of state he did not want his children to live with the burden of nuclear weapons, a former CIA officer involved in high-level diplomacy over the North's weapons was quoted as saying on Saturday.

Read More Show Less

An Oregon Air National Guard F-15C Eagle that made an emergency landing on Wednesday ditched its entire arsenal of live air-to-air missiles before touching down at Portland International Airport, The War Zone reports.

Read More Show Less

Several hundred U.S. troops will remain in Syria after allied forces clear ISIS fighters out of their last stronghold in the country, officials said on Friday.

President Donald Trump announced in December that he would withdraw all U.S. troops from Syria, but Sen. Lindsey Graham has since made a strong push to keep a small residual force along the Turkish border along with troops from European allies.

Read More Show Less
Chris Osman (Photo: _chris_osman_designs/Instagram)

The former Navy SEAL among a group of eight men arrested earlier this week in Port-au-Prince on weapons charges says he was providing security work "for people who are directly connected to the current President" of Haiti.

"We were being used as pawns in a public fight between him and the current Prime Minister of Haiti," said Chris Osman, 44, in a post on Instagram Friday. "We were not released we were in fact rescued."

Read More Show Less