Someone Just Paid $100,000 For A Cheeto That Looks Like Harambe (RIP)

news
Flamin' Hot Harambe
Photo illustration by Matt Battaglia

Since Harambe’s untimely death in May 2016, the silverback gorilla’s stern likeness has graced everything from t-shirts to tote bags. “Dicks out for Harambe” was practically the catchphrase of the summer. Eulogy songs were sung. Memes were made. Expensive Harambe tattoos were etched onto biceps. Writers spilled gallons of ink explaining what it all means. Then, Harambe suddenly vanished. Or so we thought.


Now, nearly a year after his tragic death, Harambe has surfaced once again, this time as a Flamin’ Hot Cheeto for auction on eBay. The listing showed a picture of the Cheeto, which at first glance looks like nothing more than a red-hot baked lump of cornmeal. But then, when placed alongside a picture of a gorilla climbing a tree, as it was in the eBay listing, it becomes instantly obvious what it actually is: a Flamin’ Hot Harambe.

The Harambe-shaped Flamin' Hot Cheeto that sold for nearly $100,000Adam Linehan

Think about this. How often do you take the time to look at Cheetos when you’re eating them? Never. The consumption of cornmeal snacks is a purely mechanical process. Hand goes in bag. Snack goes in mouth. That’s it. It is, therefore, truly remarkable that someone discovered this hot and cheesy reincarnation of Harambe (may he rest in peace). And it’s even more remarkable that they had the audacity to sell it.

Whoever it was (a genius, presumably) is now, as of Feb. 7, a hundred grand richer. That’s right. The winning bid was $99,900, made by someone with a long and impeccable track record of following through with their eBay purchases. Think about that the next time you eat anything without first closely scrutinizing it to see if it even vaguely resembles a famous person or animal. How many thousands, or millions, of dollars have each of us literally flushed down the toilet? It’s a depressing thought to consider.

Screen grab from eBay

There’s another important lesson to be learned here: The power of Harambe is alive and well. In fact, there are now tons of Harambe-shaped Cheetos up for auction on eBay, and people are paying good money for them. So, yeah, Harambe wasn’t just the flavor of the month. He was, and is, much more than just a silly internet meme and an excuse for men to expose themselves in public. Like Shakespeare and Mozart, he’s one of the immortals. A hero of an entire generation. My generation. Looks like we’re going to be seeing a lot more dicks out in 2017.  

Photo: US District Court for the Eastern District of Virginia

A former sailor who was busted buying firearms with his military discount and then reselling some of them to criminals is proving to be a wealth of information for federal investigators.

Julio Pino used his iPhone to record most, if not all, of his sales, court documents said. He even went so far as to review the buyers' driver's license on camera.

It is unclear how many of Pino's customer's now face criminal charges of their own. Federal indictments generally don't provide that level of detail and Assistant U.S. Attorney William B. Jackson declined to comment.

Read More Show Less
Photo illustration by Paul Szoldra/Task & Purpose

It all began with a medical check.

Carson Thomas, a healthy and fit 20-year-old infantryman who had joined the Army after a brief stint in college, figured he should tell the medics about the pain in his groin he had been feeling. It was Feb. 12, 2012, and the senior medic looked him over and decided to send him to sick call at the base hospital.

It seemed almost routine, something the Army doctors would be able to diagnose and fix so he could get back to being a grunt.

Now looking back on what happened some seven years later, it was anything but routine.

Read More Show Less
U.S. Army Cpt. Katrina Hopkins and Chief Warrant Officer 2 James Rogers, assigned to Task Force Warhorse, pilot a UH-60 Black Hawk helicopter during a medical evacuation (MEDEVAC) operation at Camp Taji, Iraq, Dec. 18, 2018. (U.S. Army photo by Spc. Javion Siders)

U.S. forces must now ask the Iraqi military for permission to fly in Iraqi airspace before coming to the aid of U.S. troops under fire, a top military spokesman said.

However, the mandatory approval process is not expected to slow down the time it takes the U.S. military to launch close air support and casualty evacuation missions for troops in the middle of a fight, said Army Col. James Rawlinson, a spokesman for Combined Joint Task Force-Operation Inherent Resolve.

Read More Show Less
Army Spc. Clayton James Horne

Army Spc. Clayton James Horne died in Saudi Arabia on Aug. 17, making him the eighth non-combat fatality for Operation Inherent Resolve so far this year, defense officials have announced.

Horne, 23, was assigned to the 351st Military Police Company, 160th Military Police Battalion, an Army Reserve unit based in Ocala, Florida, a Pentagon news release says.

Read More Show Less
Joshua Yabut/Twitter

The soldier who was arrested for taking an armored personnel carrier on a slow-speed police chase through Virginia has been found not guilty by reason of insanity on two charges, according to The Richmond-Times Dispatch.

Joshua Phillip Yabut, 30, entered a plea of not guilty by reason of insanity for unauthorized use of a motor vehicle — in this case, a 12-ton APC taken from Fort Pickett in June 2018 — and violating the terms of his bond, which stemmed from a trip to Iraq he took in March 2019 (which was not a military deployment).

Read More Show Less