Get Task & Purpose in your inbox
Someone Just Paid $100,000 For A Cheeto That Looks Like Harambe (RIP)
Since Harambe’s untimely death in May 2016, the silverback gorilla’s stern likeness has graced everything from t-shirts to tote bags. “Dicks out for Harambe” was practically the catchphrase of the summer. Eulogy songs were sung. Memes were made. Expensive Harambe tattoos were etched onto biceps. Writers spilled gallons of ink explaining what it all means. Then, Harambe suddenly vanished. Or so we thought.
Now, nearly a year after his tragic death, Harambe has surfaced once again, this time as a Flamin’ Hot Cheeto for auction on eBay. The listing showed a picture of the Cheeto, which at first glance looks like nothing more than a red-hot baked lump of cornmeal. But then, when placed alongside a picture of a gorilla climbing a tree, as it was in the eBay listing, it becomes instantly obvious what it actually is: a Flamin’ Hot Harambe.
The Harambe-shaped Flamin' Hot Cheeto that sold for nearly $100,000Adam Linehan
Think about this. How often do you take the time to look at Cheetos when you’re eating them? Never. The consumption of cornmeal snacks is a purely mechanical process. Hand goes in bag. Snack goes in mouth. That’s it. It is, therefore, truly remarkable that someone discovered this hot and cheesy reincarnation of Harambe (may he rest in peace). And it’s even more remarkable that they had the audacity to sell it.
Whoever it was (a genius, presumably) is now, as of Feb. 7, a hundred grand richer. That’s right. The winning bid was $99,900, made by someone with a long and impeccable track record of following through with their eBay purchases. Think about that the next time you eat anything without first closely scrutinizing it to see if it even vaguely resembles a famous person or animal. How many thousands, or millions, of dollars have each of us literally flushed down the toilet? It’s a depressing thought to consider.
Screen grab from eBay
There’s another important lesson to be learned here: The power of Harambe is alive and well. In fact, there are now tons of Harambe-shaped Cheetos up for auction on eBay, and people are paying good money for them. So, yeah, Harambe wasn’t just the flavor of the month. He was, and is, much more than just a silly internet meme and an excuse for men to expose themselves in public. Like Shakespeare and Mozart, he’s one of the immortals. A hero of an entire generation. My generation. Looks like we’re going to be seeing a lot more dicks out in 2017.
A U.S. soldier died on Friday while in Syria supporting Operation Inherent Resolve, the Defense Department announced on Saturday.
A word that could once not be mentioned in court — torture — was front and center on Friday as a military tribunal prepares to take on the long-delayed trial of Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, the confessed chief plotter of the 9/11 attacks, and four other defendants.
"I know torture's a dirty word," defense attorney Walter Ruiz told the tribunal. "I'll tell you what, judge, I'm not going to sanitize this for their concerns."
The suspect in the death of 21-year-old U.S. Marine Cpl. Tyler Wallingford, who was fatally shot in the barracks of the U.S. Marine Corps Air Station Beaufort more than nine months ago, was found guilty in military court of involuntary manslaughter earlier this month and sentenced to more than five years.
A 19-year-old Army private who died during basic training earlier this month was posthumously promoted to private first class, just before friends and family gathered for a memorial service to honor his life on Jan. 16.