The Air Force is on guard against potential Area 51 intruders like this hero in custom Boba Fett armor and his love of 'clapping alien asscheeks'

Mandatory Fun

"What truly matters is getting to Area 51, busting through their shit, and clapping some alien ass cheeks"

(WIkimedia Commons/Twitter/Task & Purpose)

More than half a million people say they plan on storming the gates of Area 51 in September — and the Air Force is not impressed.

In response to the massively popular viral (and explicitly unserious) Facebook event "Storm Area 51, They Can't Stop All of Us," the Air Force has issued an official warning to please, for the love of God, don't storm Area 51.


"[Area 51] is an open training range for the U.S. Air Force, and we would discourage anyone from trying to come into the area where we train American armed forces," Air Force spokeswoman Laura McAndrews told the Washington Post on Friday. "The U.S. Air Force always stands ready to protect America and its assets."

The Air Force always stands ready to protect America and its assets is fine PAO-speak, but in an era of Facebook-fueled nutjobs, such a statement is the Pavlovian equivalent of come at me, bro.

And while Air Force security forces likely are likely worried about other virgin-related security risks, there are certainly a few joke threats worth keeping a watchful eye out for — namely, this would-be intruder with some sick combo Darth Maul-Boba Fett armor:

"Storming Area 51? Now that's a real cause," our armored hero said in a spectacular address to the nation last week. "That's where all us humans should be coming together. Let's put aside our our differences. Black, white, gay, straight, politics; none of that shit matters."

"What truly matters is getting to Area 51, busting through their shit, and clapping some alien ass cheeks," the modern-day Uncle Sam concluded. "That's what I stand for, and that's what I want you to stand for."

Reminder: the warning signs surrounding Area 51 explicitly state that "use of deadly force is authorized." Let's hope this booty-hungry insurgent's armor is better than the original Boba Fett for, uh, obvious reasons:

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - U.S. Defense Secretary Mark Esper said on Friday that no U.S. troops will take part in enforcing the so-called safe zone in northern Syria and the United States "is continuing our deliberate withdrawal from northeastern Syria."

Turkish President Tayyip Erdogan earlier on Friday said Turkey will set up a dozen observation posts across northeast Syria, insisting that a planned "safe zone" will extend much further than U.S. officials said was covered under a fragile ceasefire deal.

Read More Show Less

On Tuesday at the Association of the U.S. Army's annual conference, Army families had the opportunity to tell senior leaders exactly what was going on in their worlds — an opportunity that is, unfortunately, all too rare.

Read More Show Less

The fog of war, just kills, and war crimes are the focus of a new documentary series coming to STARZ. Titled Leavenworth, the five-part series profiles 1st Lt. Clint Lorance, the Army infantry officer who was convicted on murder charges for ordering his soldiers to fire on three unarmed Afghan men on a motorcycle, killing two and wounding the third, while deployed to the Zhari district in Kandahar province, on July 2, 2012.

Read More Show Less

A big stereotype surrounding U.S. service members and veterans is that they are defined only by their military service, from buying "Dysfunctional Veteran" t-shirts to playing hard-boiled, high-octane first-person shooters like Battlefield and Call of Duty (we honestly have no idea where anyone could get that impression).

But the folks at OSD (formerly called Operation Supply Drop), a non-profit veteran service organization that aims to help troops and vets connect with each other through free video games, service programs and other activities, recently found that most of the gamers they've served actually prefer less military-centric fare like sports games and fantasy RPGs.

Read More Show Less

CEYLANPINAR, Turkey (Reuters) - Shelling could be heard at the Syrian-Turkish border on Friday morning despite a five-day ceasefire agreed between Turkey and the United States, and Washington said the deal covered only a small part of the territory Ankara aims to seize.

Reuters journalists at the border heard machine-gun fire and shelling and saw smoke rising from the Syrian border battlefield city of Ras al Ain, although the sounds of fighting had subsided by mid-morning.

The truce, announced on Thursday by U.S. Vice President Mike Pence after talks in Ankara with Turkish President Tayyip Erdogan, sets out a five-day pause to let the Kurdish-led SDF militia withdraw from an area controlled by Turkish forces.

The SDF said air and artillery attacks continued to target its positions and civilian targets in Ral al Ain.

"Turkey is violating the ceasefire agreement by continuing to attack the town since last night," SDF spokesman Mustafa Bali tweeted.

The Kurdish-led administration in the area said Turkish truce violations in Ras al Ain had caused casualties, without giving details.

Read More Show Less