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US Army study proves what service members have known for decades: MREs make it hard to sh*t
A rigorous scientific study found out what any grunt knows after just two weeks in the field: MREs make it hard to take a shit.
The revelation was first published in The Journal of Nutritional Biochemistry, which detailed how a group of 60 people — after four dropped out for reasons ranging from gastrointestinal distress to not sticking to the study protocol, which is less than shocking — were broken into two cohorts: One continued to eat regularly during the 21-day experiment; while the other ate nothing but MREs during the study.
The participants, both military personnel and civilians, kept daily food logs, and forked over fecal, urine and blood samples so researchers could study their respective diet's impact on their intestinal health. The data was then analyzed over a two year period from 2015-2017 by researchers with the U.S. Army Research Institute of Environmental Medicine.
The results were less than shocking: Those who ate nothing but MREs for 21 days straight had about one less bowel movement a week, at least at the start of the study.
What is surprising, in light of how much shit MREs take, is that they don't actually cause any problems for your gut, just that they tend to back you up. Which, again, for anyone who's eaten them for an extended period of time, already knew.
Here's how it's explained in the awfully scientific report:
In this study, consuming a diet comprised solely of the unique, commercially sterile and highly processed ration for 21-day altered gut microbiota composition, did not increase [intestinal permeability] or inflammation, and did not result in clinically meaningful gastrointestinal symptoms when compared to typical American diets. These findings do not provide evidence to suggest that either the Meal, Ready-to-Eat ration itself or its effects on the gut microbiota promote decrements in gastrointestinal health and function in individuals consuming the ration for up to 21 days.
The reason why MREs may make it harder to drop a deuce is that they don't provide a lot of the good bacteria that we typically get from fresh foods, like fruit, or fermented ones, like yogurt or cheeses — which I guess means that jalapeno cheese doesn't count.
"It's not MREs underlying a lot of anecdotal reports of gastrointestinal discomfort," Dr. J. Philip Karl, a scientist and research dietitian with the U.S. Army Research Institute of Environmental Medicine, and the lead author of the study told Stars and Stripes. "The MRE actually provides more fiber and more of several vitamins and minerals compared to people's typical diets.
"I think MREs get a bad rap," he added.
Though the report does leave some lingering questions: Did they track the impact of a 21-day MRE diet on those who share a living space with the participant, for one? Say what you will about MRE-shits — MRE farts are practically a war crime.
BANGKOK (Reuters) - The United States and South Korea said on Sunday they will postpone upcoming military drills in an effort to bolster a stalled peace push with North Korea, even as Washington denied the move amounted to another concession to Pyongyang.
The drills, known as the Combined Flying Training Event, would have simulated air combat scenarios and involved an undisclosed number of warplanes from both the United States and South Korea.
An opening ceremony will be held Monday on Hawaii island for a military exercise with China that will involve about 100 People's Liberation Army soldiers training alongside U.S. Army counterparts.
This comes after Adm. Phil Davidson, head of U.S. Indo-Pacific Command, spoke on Veterans Day at Punchbowl cemetery about the "rules-based international order" that followed U.S. victory in the Pacific in World War II, and China's attempts to usurp it.
Those American standards "are even more important today," Davidson said, "as malicious actors like the Communist Party of China seek to redefine the international order through corruption, malign cyber activities, intellectual property theft, restriction of individual liberties, military coercion and the direct attempts to override other nations' sovereignty."
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - U.S. President Donald Trump on Sunday told North Korean leader Kim Jong Un to "act quickly" to reach a deal with the United States, in a tweet weighing in on North Korea's criticism of his political rival former Vice President Joe Biden.
Trump, who has met Kim three times since 2018 over ending the North's missile and nuclear programs, addressed Kim directly, referring to the one-party state's ruler as "Mr. Chairman".
In his tweet, Trump told Kim, "You should act quickly, get the deal done," and hinted at a further meeting, signing off "See you soon!"
It is impossible to tune out news about the impeachment inquiry into President Donald Trump now that the hearings have become public. And this means that cable news networks and Congress are happier than pigs in manure: this story will dominate the news for the foreseeable future unless Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt get back together.
But the wall-to-wall coverage of impeachment mania has also created a news desert. To those of you who would rather emigrate to North Korea than watch one more lawmaker grandstand for the cameras, I humbly offer you an oasis of news that has absolutely nothing to do with Washington intrigue.
MOSCOW (Reuters) - Russia will return three captured naval ships to Ukraine on Monday and is moving them to a handover location agreed with Kiev, Crimea's border guard service was cited as saying by Russian news agencies on Sunday.
A Reuters reporter in Crimea, which Russian annexed from Ukraine in 2014, earlier on Sunday saw coastguard boats pulling the three vessels through the Kerch Strait toward the Black Sea where they could potentially be handed over to Ukraine.