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Soldiers with the 4th Brigade Combat Team "Currahee", 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), participating in the Soldier, NCO of the quarter and Audie Murphy board, begin the run portion of the Army Physical Fitness Test, at forward operating base Salerno, Afghanistan, July 14, 2013. (U.S. Army/Sgt. Justin A. Moeller)

The standard-issue Army reflective belt, formally known as "Belt, High Visibility," is one of the most enduring symbols of the Global War on Terror. It is also the most indisputably reviled piece of gear in any U.S. service member's kit. Don't let Russian spies or Urban Outfitters convince you otherwise: the reflective belt might be the aesthetic version of a "Kick Me" sign.

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US Army photo by Sgt. Neil Gussman

As Vladimir Putin continues his meteoric ascent from lowly KGB desk jockey to giant axe-wielding democracy-defiler, many of us may find ourselves wondering whether the people we know and love are secretly playing for Team Russia. For example, my colleague Patrick Baker. He’s got unusually small hands and shifty eyes. And he’s never not in the bathroom. There simply isn’t enough room in the large intestine for all the potty breaks that guy purports to take. (FYI Pat: the Febreeze isn’t in there for decoration.)

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"Whether you're working in the motor pool or conducting clandestine night raids in the ISIS-infested mountains of northern Syria, the totally reflective camouflage pattern will keep you safe and sound," the Army spokesman told Task & Purpose. "It's also 100% cotton!"

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