US Army photo by Sgt. Neil Gussman

As Vladimir Putin continues his meteoric ascent from lowly KGB desk jockey to giant axe-wielding democracy-defiler, many of us may find ourselves wondering whether the people we know and love are secretly playing for Team Russia. For example, my colleague Patrick Baker. He’s got unusually small hands and shifty eyes. And he’s never not in the bathroom. There simply isn’t enough room in the large intestine for all the potty breaks that guy purports to take. (FYI Pat: the Febreeze isn’t in there for decoration.)

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Screenshot via Forever 21

Boho female retailer Forever 21 has coopted the standard issue Army PT workout shirt and turned it into...um, high fashion? The shirt, which is an exact replica of the one soldiers wear but with a giant knife-slash down the back, is very expensive. It’s also very stupid.

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