Do you find yourself wishing for a way to dish out hundreds of rubber bands in a matter of seconds? Do you have disposable income, and no sense of shame about being an adult who blows their pay on toys? And do you randomly quote lines from 80s and early 90s action flicks?

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"Rob Gronkowski." Go ahead. Say it to your girlfriend. Even I, a congenital Patriots-hater, must grudgingly admit that Gronk, the hard-headed, able-bodied tight end, is a tough sumbitch on the field — and a favorite with the ladies.

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Photo via YouTube

Ah, July 4th, America's favorite annual indulgence in grilled food, cold beer, and aggressively irresponsible fun with explosives.

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Screenshot via YouTube

Ah, rubber-band fights: a schoolkid’s rite of passage. Let us fondly recall those heady days of desperately trying to nail our friends in the eyeballs — totally an accident, honest! — with a Mark 1 Mod 0 finger pistol, or the advanced delivery technology provided by a No. 2 pencil.

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Photo courtesy of Empty Shell LLC

Somebody actually made a handheld minigun. No, they did. It’s fucking awesome.

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