On Friday, the Brazilian rainforests were burning, the stock market was plunging, and the international dispute between the United States and Denmark over Greenland ground on; but the real crisis in the Pentagon was that the Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen in the building's food court had run out of chicken sandwiches.

In retrospect, the chicken sandwich shortage should have been expected. On Aug. 12, Popeyes tweeted that its new grilled chicken sandwich would be better than sex: "Chicken. Brioche. Pickles. New. Sandwich. Popeyes. Nationwide. So. Good. Forgot. How. Speak. In. Complete. Sandwiches. I mean, sentences."

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