Flickr/denharsh

Here comes Jody, on his way to steal your girl, clog your arteries, and plasticize your liver.

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Screenshot via YouTube

Are you lonely? Meet Samantha. She’s a beautiful, brown-haired vixen who will have sex with you, as long as you properly seduce her and take care of her emotional needs — much like any other woman you’ve dated. Oh, she's also a robot.

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Photo via Pixabay

I once dated a guy that my friends referred to as an “Adonis.” It was great, until other women — people we knew, strangers, everyone — started asking me questions like “How did you get him?” And while he was sweet, I broke it off shortly after we began dating, because too many women made passes at him everywhere we went.

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Scottsdale Police Department via KTVK

A Scottsdale, Arizona woman shot her live-in boyfriend in the penis Saturday, according to police. Also six other places, but dude, wang bullet hole. Also involved: a mysterious Victoria’s Secret bag; fireworks; a very, very deep sleep; and a police arrest report that is a florid masterpiece of the genre.

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DoD Photo

Walking through any store in late January to early February is a nightmare. Every aisle is strewn with ribbons and hearts all pink, red, floral, and chocolate. It’s inevitable: Valentine’s Day is upon us. Look, we all know it’s a capitalist greeting card holiday, but trust me, your girlfriend (or boyfriend) wants you to give a shit.

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U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Jacob Barber

Holding down a long-distance relationship in the military is hard as hell. Military relationships fall apart for a host of reasons and the horror stories you hear about horribly timed "Dear John" letters can easily make a soon-to-deploy service member a bit gun shy about entering into a long-distance relationship.

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