Flickr/denharsh

Here comes Jody, on his way to steal your girl, clog your arteries, and plasticize your liver.

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Casperassets.rbl.ms

Benjamin Franklin nailed it when he said, "Fatigue is the best pillow." True story, Benny. There's nothing like pushing your body so far past exhaustion that you'd willingly, even longingly, take a nap on a concrete slab.

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And no one knows that better than military service members and we have the pictures to prove it.

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Screenshot via YouTube

Are you lonely? Meet Samantha. She’s a beautiful, brown-haired vixen who will have sex with you, as long as you properly seduce her and take care of her emotional needs — much like any other woman you’ve dated. Oh, she's also a robot.

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Photo via Pixabay

I once dated a guy that my friends referred to as an “Adonis.” It was great, until other women — people we knew, strangers, everyone — started asking me questions like “How did you get him?” And while he was sweet, I broke it off shortly after we began dating, because too many women made passes at him everywhere we went.

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Scottsdale Police Department via KTVK

A Scottsdale, Arizona woman shot her live-in boyfriend in the penis Saturday, according to police. Also six other places, but dude, wang bullet hole. Also involved: a mysterious Victoria’s Secret bag; fireworks; a very, very deep sleep; and a police arrest report that is a florid masterpiece of the genre.

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DoD Photo

Walking through any store in late January to early February is a nightmare. Every aisle is strewn with ribbons and hearts all pink, red, floral, and chocolate. It’s inevitable: Valentine’s Day is upon us. Look, we all know it’s a capitalist greeting card holiday, but trust me, your girlfriend (or boyfriend) wants you to give a shit.

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