--- title: "5 Ways To Turn Your Work Office Into A Badass DIY Armory" date: "2017-04-25" modified: "2017-04-25" authors: - name: "James Clark" job_title: "Editor-in-Chief" link: "https://taskandpurpose.com/authors/james-clark/" url: "https://taskandpurpose.com/tech-tactics/tim-kennedy-deadly-weapon-office-supplies/" categories: - "Tech & Tactics" - "Weapons" --- # 5 Ways To Turn Your Work Office Into A Badass DIY Armory ![]() In just about every alien invasion, zombie, or disaster movie, one group of people inevitably gets screwed: anyone who works in a goddamn office. What’s a white-collar worker to do if, say, a horde of zombies starts working its way up from the first floor to the 16th, growing in size with each level? Or what if your company gets taken over by a twisted bazillionaire [who wants to pit employees against each other for sport?]() Well, there’s the internet, and on it are videos, and in those videos are unsettlingly detailed instructions for how to turn just about everything in your office into a deadly weapon. Related: How To Survive If A Nuke Goes Off In Your Town » Thanks to a terrifyingly informative [video by Tim Kennedy and the Chive](), and a video explainer on how to make a gun with a D-size battery by the [YouTube channel MrGear](), we’ve identified five homemade weapons and defenses that’ll keep you alive if all hell breaks out in your office. ### 1. Pepper spray, literally. Head to the kitchen/break room, where you shouldn’t have much trouble finding the following: hot sauce, cayenne pepper, and alcohol — if it’s not there, check the first-aid station or your boss’s desk drawer. Mix the contents in a water bottle with a spray nozzle, liberally adding hot sauce and cayenne pepper (or whatever else you can find that’s sure to sting the eyes), shake thoroughly, and ta-da, you’re all set to ruin someone’s day. ### 2. A homemade flame-thrower. As any teenager with pyromaniacal tendencies can tell you, this is easy to make, and fun as hell to use. Grab an aerosol can of alcohol-based whatever — Lysol works well — and a lighter. Start spraying, flick that lighter, and go HAM on some fools. ### 3. Arm armor. Facing a zombie horde? Just grab some leftover magazines and duct tape. Fold the papers around each arm and tape them in place. If you want to be extra safe, wrap a magazine around each leg, too. Zombies bite hard, sure, [but this’ll buy some time to bash the undead off of you ]()and avoid infection. Plus, it gives you reading material for the inevitable boredom that comes with the screeching halt of modern, zombie-free civilization. ### 4. A paper-cutter machete. If you work in a normal office — meaning one not run by a doomsday prepper — chances are you don’t have an armory, but you probably have a paper cutter. Now all you need is a screwdriver to disconnect the lever. Grab it by the handle — I hate that I have to clarify this — and start swinging. Of course, if you’ve ever seen “The Punisher,” you knew this already: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NNFxwwYlyo “The Faculty,” too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrC0NJhPT84 ### 5. The pocket pistol. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aN7ZfMEUVVk So, you’ve survived the initial disaster. You’ve got Cosmo and TIME magazines strapped to your legs and arms, a half-empty can of Lysol, a trusty lighter, a bottle of pepper spray, and a machete. Now you need a firearm. Sorta. Find a safe place to lay low and grab a pack of matches. Then ransack your supply or utility closet for a D-cell battery, a hot-glue gun, a drill, and a graphite pencil. Grab a few pieces of wire, some screws, and duct tape. Then — you know what? Describing this in words will just leave you more confused. Check out the video by [YouTube user MrGear]() above, and after you’re done gawking in amazement, watch it again for the details. ## Author James Clark is the editor-in-chief of Task & Purpose. He is a former Marine and a veteran of the War in Afghanistan. ### Author social links [Twitter]() [LinkedIn]()