Ever since leading man and human jawline Tom Cruise revealed the extremely droll Top Gun sequel title of Top Gun 2: Maverick, we’ve heard very little about the new Jerry Bruckheimer-powered followup to the 1986 cult classic. And this leaves us worried, especially since Cruise and “Iceman” Val Kilmer are both three decades older. Will Maverick and Iceman fly one of those exciting new F-35s? Will Rob Riggle finally fly with the Blue Angels?! Did someone lose that lovin’ feeling?!?
We have no ideas, but the Internet does. Here are a bunch of somewhat alarming and totally imagined storylines for Cruise’s bare-chested return to the sultry sands of Miramar’s pristine volleyball courts in the age of ISIS and drones.
Top Gun 2 is just 90 minutes of Maverick in a holding pattern because drones have priority over the airspace.
— B. A. Friedman (@BA_Friedman) June 21, 2017
Top Gun 2: Maverick, this PowerPoint is utter trash, we need you to remake it all for a meeting tomorrow morning. https://t.co/7DsHBXAK4q
— Kelsey D. Atherton (@AthertonKD) June 5, 2017
Top Gun 2: Trigger Warning
Tom Cruise plays an older Maverick who must refrain from offending his sensitive millenial student pilots. https://t.co/Kg8NLMVqBA
— John Forelli (@JOHNFORELLI) May 24, 2017
This is why I joked that Top Gun 2 will involve Maverick sitting in a VA waiting room waiting to see a doctor.
— Doug Mataconis (@dmataconis) May 26, 2017
Top Gun 2 (2017): A depressed and borderline alcoholic Maverick flies a cargo plane full of rubber dog crap out of Hong Kong.
— Jeremy Roberts (@JeremyBRoberts) May 28, 2017
The Top Gun 2 plot has leaked. Maverick drives his plane into a supermarket, walks away like nothing happened, then blames it on autopilot.
— Aaron Wiener (@Wieneraaron) May 26, 2017
Top Gun 2: Maverick supervises drone pilots in CONUS, authorising hellfire strikes on Afghan weddings. He jerks off constantly but cant cum
— Drones, actually (@kels_316) May 25, 2017
Top Gun 2
INT – MAVERICK'S BEDROOM
We see MAVERICK, 57, at his laptop scrolling through Breitbart when the phone rings.
— Dave Hoffman (@mrdavehoffman) May 27, 2017
All I want is a Top Gun 2 plot of Maverick and Ice Man trying to determine how to fix physiological episodes.
— Jon Simkins (@JSimkins13) June 16, 2017
Top Gun 2: Maverick finds the courage to fly again, but not to tell Fat Iceman that he's no longer attracted to him & their marriage is over
— Pat Dussault (@PatDussault) May 24, 2017
In Top Gun 2 "Maverick" Mitchell will still be "dangerous" and "living on the edge" by going to Early Bird specials and Bingo by himself.
— Steve Cooper (@coopertalk) May 25, 2017
Top Gun 2: Maverick is arrested for cashing bad checks and unsuccessfully attempts to bribe the police officer with sex.
— Alex Halpern (@HalpernAlex) May 25, 2017
Top Gun 2: Goose survived his ejection only to come back as an evil Russian cyborg pilot that Maverick must kill.
— Artful Forge (@artfulforge) May 27, 2017
Top Gun 2 is just gonna be Maverick and Ice Man having a drone-off from a bunker in Nevada
— Thickie Don (@AstrosCounty) May 25, 2017
Is Top Gun 2 going to be about Maverick being replaced by an 18 year old kid piloting a drone on a computer screen from 100k miles away?
— PhantoMantis (@PhantoMantis) May 25, 2017
Maverick: I feel the need…
Iceman: …the need for…
Together: … Stronger reading glasses!
— TOP GUN 2#topgun2
— Richard Ritenbaugh (@RRitenbaugh) May 25, 2017
I though the sequel featured Maverick, now retired, flying armed crop dusters in a county with a name he can't pronounce.
— Dr. Rob Thompson (@_RobThompson) June 21, 2017
Top Gun missed the most not being Top Gun 2: Electric Boogaloo where you find out it's Maverick's protege's call sign.
— ACCBiggz (@ACCBiggz) June 5, 2017
"Top Gun 2: Maverick's retirement frustration completing VA forms." There's your new title for your latest reboot Hollywood. You're welcome.
— Jasper Rocha (@Jasper_3) June 3, 2017
— Patrick Pohler (@patpohler) June 20, 2017
Top Gun 2 is off the fuckin hook https://t.co/WhREPCPYtj
— AmericanPropagandist (@ArmyStrang) June 20, 2017