Trump And The Army Share A Birthday — What Else Do They Have In Common?

Humor
Photo via DoD/White House

Happy birthday, Donald Trump! You’re 71 today, the oldest person ever elected president of the United States. And as commander-in-chief of the nation’s armed forces, you also happen to share a birthday with one of the mighty service branches under your command: the U.S. Army, which is celebrating 242 years of protecting the freedoms of American citizens.


But what else do these two titans of geopolitical power have in common? Let’s explore in a side-by-side comparison, shall we?

Full name:

Army: The United States Army

Trump: Donald John Trump

Position:

Army: Largest branch of the U.S. armed forces

Trump: President of the United States of America

Length of service to country:

Army: 88,328 days

Trump: 145 days

Notable conflicts:

Army: The American Revolution, the War of 1812, Mexican-American War, American Civil War, the Spanish-American War, the Philippine-American War, World War I, World War II, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, Operation Desert Storm, the Global War on Terror

Trump: Sex in the 1980s, which Trump once called “his own personal Vietnam." (Trump avoided experiencing the real Vietnam thanks to five deferments)

Notable foes:

Army: The militaries of the U.K., Spain, Mexico, the Confederate States of America, Germany (twice!), Japan, Russia, North Korea, Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan and the so-called Islamic State.

Trump: Sexually transmitted disease (see above), Gold Star parents Khizr and Ghazala Khan, “fake news,” former FBI director James Comey.

Notable commanders:

Army: George Washington, Robert E. Lee, Ulysses S. Grant, John Pershing, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Douglas MacArthur, George Patton, Matthew Ridgway, H. Norman Schwarzkopf

Trump: Who cares? After all, Trump has said he knows “more about ISIS than the generals do, believe me," even though he just handed authority over U.S. troop levels in Afghanistan over to Secretary of Defense James Mattis.

Notable weapons:

Army: The M9, M11, and M17 pistols; the MP5 submachine gun; the M16, M4, M231 FPW, and HK416 assault rifles, the 500 MILLS and M1014 shotguns, the M249, M240, and Browning M2 machine guns; the Mk 14 Enhanced Battle Rifle, M110 and M107 sniper rifles; the M320 grenade launcher; the AT4, M141, and M72 LAW anti-material weapons; the FIM-92 Stinger anti-aircraft missile; and the M224 and M252 mortars, among others.

Trump: His Twitter account, @realDonaldTrump

Notable vehicles:

Army: The M1 Abrams main battle tank, M2 and M3 Bradley fighting vehicles, and M1120 SEries and M113 armored personnel carriers, among others.

Trump:  Air Force One, Marine One, and a golf cart

Standard diet:

Army: The blood of America’s enemies, MREs (wartime); chili mac, MREs (peacetime)

Trump: Trump Tower meatloaf, KFC, and Diet Coke

PFT requirements:

Army: Two minutes of push-ups, two minutes of sit-ups, and a timed 2-mile run.

Trump: lol

Birthday message:

Army:

Trump:

Number of national drafts experienced:

Army: Four

Trump: One

Number of calls for military service met:

Army: Four

Trump: Zero

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