Why 'The Walking Dead' Is Full Of Useless Idiots, According To A USMC Sgt Maj

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The recent season premiere of “The Walking Dead” marked the start of the seventh year we, the audience, willingly watch the most inept group of survivors imaginable, as they attempt to navigate a post-apocalyptic wasteland populated by flesh-eating walkers and the worst human scum. If you’re like me, you usually spend most of each episode verbally berating the characters for their idiocy, and cast judgement on the writers for their inconsistent character development.


Those of us who’ve spent any time in the military are particularly prone to conniptions about the blatant buffoonery of our heroes. I’ve spent nearly every season yelling at the television.

“How about 360 degrees of security, jackasses?”

AMC TV photo.

The blunders started early in the show, and have continued all the way along. In the first season, their camp was overrun by the ravenous undead because security sucked.

Though perhaps forgivable then, it continued to be an issue in the second season as they looted vehicles for fuel and gear. Dale was on overwatch and somehow missed the hundreds of shambling zombies lurching up from behind them. How in the world a guy with binoculars and a scoped rifle is unable to detect approaching threats is left up to the viewer to figure out. 

A little vigilance on the part of the characters would be nice, especially considering there are police officers and military vets among them whom you would think might understand concepts like situational awareness.

“Do you even reconnaissance bro?”

AMC TV photo.

At the end of last season, Rick, quite possibly the dumbest of the dumbasses, agreed to take on Negan with little to no intelligence on the guy. Rick's tribe of misfits has barely survived encounters with cannibals, tyrants, and predators of various stripes, yet suddenly Rick decided he’s the baddest man in the wasteland. His group did just what I knew they would and waltzed into Negan territory murdering people without taking any time to observe them or come up with a long-term plan. As far as I’m concerned the Grimes gang deserved the ass whoopin’ they got.

“Why are you wandering off by yourself during the apocalypse, moron?”

AMC TV photo.

In the military, we have what is commonly referred to as the Buddy System. This means no one goes anywhere alone. If our heroes had adopted this concept early on, it would have prevented Dale from wandering out into an open field at night to have his guts ripped out by a walker who was there because dumbass Carl was wandering alone in the woods because no one is keeping track of each other. 

As a side note, if you are with me in any survival situation and your kid can’t obey simple rules, like not touching other people’s weapons, or not wandering off all the time, I will spank his ass clean off. It’s the apocalypse and we don’t have time for lectures, only discipline. (Am I the only one who wanted whiny little Carl to die off in the second season? I was actively cheering for the zombie to eat him in the swamp scene. You know, where he lost the pistol which he stole from Daryl’s saddle bags — a spankable offense in any reality.)

Related: 5 Things ‘The Walking Dead’ Teaches Us About Leadership »

Despite these hard lessons, members of the group continue to run off on their own for various selfish and inane reasons. Carol bails out because she doesn’t want to kill people anymore, which is just plain stupid when you live in a world that has no problem eating you alive and taking all your stuff. Denise, the only one with any medical training, threatens to take off on her own if no one goes with her. Because of this threat, Daryl and Sasha go with her so she can die, conveniently forcing Rick to take Maggie to Hilltop, and we all know how well that went. They should have locked her up in Morgan’s new cell rather than letting the only medic outside of the wire.

“Why the hell isn’t everyone armed all the time?”

AMC TV photo.

Seriously, if you are in the land of the Second Amendment during the Zombie Apocalypse and are unarmed, it is your own stinkin’ fault. When almost everyone is (un)dead, there will be guns and ammo everywhere. Try a Wal-Mart for heaven’s sake. These clowns still keep weapons in what passes for an armory instead of issuing firearms to every household and making each citizen responsible for their own sector for internal defense. I hated Alexandria for this.

“If you don’t want your gun taken away then don’t put it down. EVER!”

The Havamal, the book of Viking wisdom, advises never to take a step without your weapons. In the military, we call this “weapons accountability.” When zombies stalk the streets this is called common freakin’ sense. Those dumb enough to lose their guns should not expect to get them back, particularly if they have no understanding of the proper application of violence.

Essentially, pistols are for fighting your way to your rifles. Rifles are for fighting your way to the vehicles so you can escape the insanely huge army of zombies eating their way through the countryside.  If there are more walkers than bullets there is no fighting to be done, just running and shooting things in your way. Notice I said: “… in your way.” Turning around and shooting undead, which are not currently obstacles preventing your escape is a waste of ammo and will only cause you to trip and get eaten. Also, shooting from speeding vehicles generally results in a miss, particularly when only head shots count.

“How come everyone with a rifle only has one magazine?”

AMC TV photo.

I didn’t notice this until recently, but everyone seems to be running around the apocalypse without any spare magazines. As a matter of fact, I can’t ever recall seeing a single magazine change in the whole show. These clowns are pretty loose with the expenditure of ammo, too. They can’t find a method to carry extra mags but have somehow stumbled across every rifle capable of full auto.

“Just die, already!”

AMC TV photo.

“The Walking Dead” is a great show if you want to learn how to die horribly in the apocalypse. I suppose if the characters actually did anything the way I would, Rick would be warlord of North America by now and it would be the most boring show on television. Then again, maybe I’d have more sympathy for the characters if they weren’t so apocalyptically stupid.

AMC TV photo.
(Photo: CNN/screenshot)

NAVAL BASE SAN DIEGO — A Navy SEAL sniper on Wednesday contradicted earlier testimony of fellow SEALs who claimed he had fired warning shots to scare away civilian non-combatants before Chief Eddie Gallagher shot them during their 2017 deployment to Mosul, and said he would not want to deploy again with one of the prosecution's star witnesses.

Special Operator 1st Class Joshua Graffam originally invoked his Fifth Amendment privilege before Navy Judge Capt. Aaron Rugh gave him immunity in order to compel his testimony.

Graffam testified that Gallagher was essentially justified in the shooting of a man he is accused of unlawfully targeting, stating that "based off everything i had seen so far ... in my opinion, they were two shitheads moving from one side of the road to the other."

Spotting for Gallagher in the tower that day, Graffam said, he called out the target to him and he fired. He said the man was hit in the upper torso and ran away.

Graffam, who joined the Navy in 2010 and has been assigned to SEAL Team 7's Alpha Platoon since September 2015, deployed alongside Gallagher to Mosul in 2017, occasionally acting as a spotter for Gallagher when the SEALs were tasked with providing sniper support for Iraqi forces from two towers east of the Tigris River.

Another SEAL, Special Warfare Operator 1st Class Dalton Tolbert, had previously testified under direct examination by prosecutors that, while stationed in the south tower of a bombed-out building in June 2017, he had observed Gallagher shoot and kill an elderly civilian.

"He ran north to south across the road," Tolbert testified on Friday. "That's when I saw the red mark on his back and I saw him fall for the first time. Blood started to pool and I knew it was a square hit in the back." Over the radio, he said he heard Gallagher tell the other snipers, "you guys missed him but I got him."

Former SO1 Dylan Dille, who was also in the south tower that day, testified last week that he watched an old man die from a sniper shot on Father's Day. He said the date stuck out in his mind because he thought the man was probably a father.

Later that day, after the mission, Graffam said he spoke with Dille about the shooting and they disagreed about the circumstances. Dille, he said, believed the man was a noncombatant.

"I, on the other hand, was confident that the right shot was taken," Graffam said, although he said later under cross-examination that the man was unarmed. Dille previously testified that the SEALs were authorized to shoot unarmed personnel if they first received signals intelligence or other targeting information.

Photo: Paul Szoldra/Task & Purpose

Graffam described the man as a male between 40 and 50 years old wearing black clothing, giving him the impression of an ISIS fighter who was moving in a "tactical" manner. He testified that he did not see anything like Dille had described.

Graffam further testified that he didn't see Gallagher take any shots that he shouldn't have on that day or any other.

Although Graffam said he did not hear of allegations that Gallagher had stabbed a wounded ISIS fighter on deployment, he testified that he started to hear rumblings in early 2018. Chief Craig Miller, he said, asked him at one point whether he would "cooperate" with others in reporting him.

When asked whether he would like to serve with Miller again in a SEAL platoon, Graffam said, "I don't feel as confident about it." A member of the jury later asked him why he'd feel uncomfortable deploying with Miller and he responded, "I just wouldn't."

Graffam said he would serve with Gallagher again if given the chance.

Under cross examination by prosecutors, Graffam said he couldn't say whether there were warning shots fired that day, though Dille and Tolbert both said happened. "There were multiple shots throughout the day," Graffam said.

Prosecutors also asked him about his previous statements to NCIS, in which Graffam said of Miller that "he has good character" and was "a good guy." Graffam confirmed he said just that.

Defense attorney Tim Parlatore, however, said those statements were back in January and "a lot had happened since then." Parlatore said Graffam had also said at the time that Gallagher was a good leader.

"That part remains unchanged, correct?" Parlatore asked.

"Yes," Graffam said.

The defense is expected to call more witnesses in the case, which continues on Thursday.

(U.S. Air Force photo by Airman 1st Class Alexi Myrick)

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(YouTube via Air Force Times)

Editor's Note: This article by Oriana Pawlyk originally appeared on Military.com, a leading source of news for the military and veteran community.

The Air Force is investigating an airman after he posted a video on YouTube rife with homophobic slurs and insults.

A man in an Air Force uniform, identified only by the YouTube username "Baptist Dave 1611" ranted in a recent video, calling gay people "sodomites," "vermin scum," and "roaches" among other slurs, according to Air Force Times, which first reported the story Wednesday.

"The specifics of the situation are being reviewed by the airman's command team," said service spokesman Maj Nick Mercurio, confirming the incident. Mercurio did not provide any identifying details about the airman.

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Two U.S. troops were killed in Afghanistan on Wednesday, defense officials have announced.

Operation Resolute Support issued a terse news release announcing the latest casualties that did not include any information about the circumstances of their deaths.

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