We've All Been This Drunk Guy Arrested In A Deadpool Onesie At Taco Bell

Humor
Portland Police Bureau

You know how it goes. It’s the freakin’ weekend, you toss back a few with your buddies, and then maybe a few more. At some point, blammo: You got accelerated healing powers, a one-piece lycra suit, and a hankering to do to a cheesy gordita crunch what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late ’90s.


And you almost made it. Almost! Almost:

From the Oregonian:

On Monday morning, Sgt. Pete Simpson, spokesperson for the Portland Police Bureau said the driver was 18-year-old Torren Alexander Cooksey. He was booked into the Multnomah County Jail on charges of DUII and Reckless Driving.

"My understanding is that he was passed out in the car when police encountered him," Simpson added.

Portland Police Bureau

He was so damn close to that drive-thru window. Is this a hero I see before me?

Torren Alexander Cooksey, 18, of Portland, you may be super, but you are no hero. You are all of us, minus the foresight to download Uber.

Kade Kurita (U.S. Army photo(

Kade Kurita, the 20-year-old West Point cadet who had been missing since Friday evening, was found dead on Tuesday night, the U.S. Military Academy announced early Wednesday morning.

"We are grieving this loss and our thoughts and prayers go out to Cadet Kurita's family and friends," Lt. Gen. Darryl Williams, superintendent of West Point, said in the release.

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The Minot Air Force Base main gate (U.S. Air Force photo)

The Air Force is investigating reports that an airman consumed marijuana while assigned to one of the highly-sensitive missile alert facility (MAF) responsible for overseeing 400 nuclear GM-30G Minuteman III intercontinental ballistic missiles at Minot Air Force Base in North Dakota.

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Mark Mitchell is stepping down as the acting assistant defense secretary for special operations and low-intensity conflict, a position he has held since late June, a defense official confirmed on Tuesday.

No information was immediately available about why Mitchell decided to resign. His last day will be Nov. 1 and he will be replaced by Thomas Alexander, who is currently leading the Defense Department's counternarcotics efforts, the defense official told Task & Purpose.

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Editor's Note: This article by Matthew Cox originally appeared on Military.com, a leading source of news for the military and veteran community.

The U.S. Army's Next Generation Squad Weapon effort looked a lot more possible this week as the three competing weapons firms displayed their prototype 6.8mm rifles and automatic rifles at the 2019 Association of the United States Army's annual meeting.

Just two months ago, the Army selected General Dynamics Ordnance and Tactical Systems inc., Textron Systems and Sig Sauer Inc. for the final phase of the NGSW effort — one of the service's top modernization priorities to replace the 5.56mm M4A1 carbine and the M249 squad automatic weapon in infantry and other close-combat units.

Army officials, as well as the companies in competition, have been guarded about specific details, but the end result will equip combat squads with weapons that fire a specially designed 6.8mm projectile, capable of penetrating enemy body armor at ranges well beyond the current M855A1 5.56mm round.

There have previously been glimpses of weapons from two firms, but this year's AUSA was the first time all three competitors displayed their prototype weapons, which are distinctly different from one another.

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U.S Defense Secretary Mark Esper and Iraqi Defense Minister Najah al-Shammari outside Iraq's defense ministry in Baghdad on Wednesday (Associated Press/Hadi Mizban)

The 1,000 U.S. troops leaving Syria will be allowed to stay in Iraq for at most four weeks, Iraq's defense minister said Wednesday, in an embarrassing rebuff to President Donald Trump's plans for withdrawing from Syria.

Najah al-Shammari's comments to the Associated Press came shortly after his meeting with U.S. Defense Secretary Mark Esper, who went to Baghdad to negotiate the redeployment of U.S. troops in Iraq after they withdrew from Syria.

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