We've All Been This Drunk Guy Arrested In A Deadpool Onesie At Taco Bell

Humor
Portland Police Bureau

You know how it goes. It’s the freakin’ weekend, you toss back a few with your buddies, and then maybe a few more. At some point, blammo: You got accelerated healing powers, a one-piece lycra suit, and a hankering to do to a cheesy gordita crunch what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late ’90s.


And you almost made it. Almost! Almost:

From the Oregonian:

On Monday morning, Sgt. Pete Simpson, spokesperson for the Portland Police Bureau said the driver was 18-year-old Torren Alexander Cooksey. He was booked into the Multnomah County Jail on charges of DUII and Reckless Driving.

"My understanding is that he was passed out in the car when police encountered him," Simpson added.

[media-credit name="Portland Police Bureau" align="alignnone" width="840"][/media-credit]

He was so damn close to that drive-thru window. Is this a hero I see before me?

Torren Alexander Cooksey, 18, of Portland, you may be super, but you are no hero. You are all of us, minus the foresight to download Uber.

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