The most realistic toy about Army life ever made is this set with a soldier bored as hell in the barracks
If you're looking for a realistic toy that captures the mundanity of military life in the barracks, then you're in luck!
Editor’s note: This article was originally published on March 14, 2019.
If you’ve ever caught yourself wondering aloud (or more than likely, bitching to your friend, partner, or your spouse who absolutely does not care) about how military games and toys aren’t realistic, then you’re in luck!
Click N’Play is here to ensure 100% accuracy for those with a military action figure fetish thanks in large part to its “Military Camp Bunk House Life” action figure, which was surfaced on Twitter back in 2019, but deserves resurfacing now because it’s freaking amazing.
According to a (very) detailed description of the product, Click N’ Play’s “military action packed pretend play set” is made of “super strong, superior quality BPA free plastic material” with “authentic” and “highly detailed design with uniforms & accessories.”
Most importantly, the 12-inch tall figurine is pose-able and has 30 “articulated joint points” so you can act out all your barracks life fantasies! Hooah!
For just $49.99 on Amazon, you can play enlisted life in the barracks! Live out your wildest dreams of getting swole in the barracks; learning guitar in the barracks; wearing flip flops in the barracks; and staring off into the distance with sad, dead eyes … in the barracks!
So, if you’re looking to recreate a weekly field day inspection — because who doesn’t look back on those fondly — the set comes with a bunk bed, a locker, a closet, backpack, a guitar, weights, clothes, and hangars (don’t forget to keep them two action-figure finger-widths apart), and plenty of other items you’re sure to lose and have to pay for out of pocket.
With so many essentials, the possibilities are endless! Set up your Joe for an early-morning run; a trip to the head to wash his nasty body and shave off that out of regs face scruff; or get him in the uniform of the day and haze the ever-loving shit out of that idiot boot for misplacing his gear!
The only way this figure could be more realistic is if Click N’ Play put out an expansion pack with porn magazines, a log of Copenhagen long cut, and a dozen water bottles — two of which would be filled with urine, and a third half-full of dip spit.
If barracks life isn’t what you’re looking for, then how about manning a radio while you stand an eight hour shift on post in a flimsy guard tower?
Click N’ Play’s Military Lookout Watch Tower comes jam-packed with gear, from ammo cans, a radio, a Mk19 that’s totally not going to jam on you, and an oil barrel. (If you’re wondering where the wagbags are, see “ammo can.”)
DISCLAIMER: CAR/CIB/CAB not included with purchase of Click N’ Play’s military toys.