There’s nothing better than getting mail when you’re on deployment. You know the feeling. That joy you feel when you see the USPS charge on your checking account and realize it’s just a matter of days (or months, depending on where you are…) until you’re showered with nostalgia of home, snacks, and adorable reminders that you’ll be back before you know it.
Care packages are the best.
Until they’re not.
Here are 5 of our best care package fails:
1. Super soap
Sure, there are the things you want in a care package and then there are the things you need. The best care packages combine both with a 3:1 ratio of wants:needs.
But, take it from my first-hand experience: if your ratio is 25:1 and that one “need” is scented soap and said soap somehow penetrates the flavor of the 25 “wants” so that all of your homemade brownies and cookies and hopes and dreams taste like some sort of lavender bath salt, then you’re better off skipping the need altogether. Lesson learned, definitely the hard way.
2. Moldy cake
We’ve all seen the birthday cake in a jar. You can act embarrassed but we know you’re stoked when it shows up with plates and forks for all of your buddies to have a makeshift party. And really, who doesn’t want to spend their birthday in a bunker?
Pro tip: if you don’t seal the canning jars, the cake molds. And if you thought your spouse was going to be mortified when they opened a box of party favors, try sending homegrown penicillin.
3. Sticky pictures
Get your mind out of the gutter. We’re talking about our sweet friend who mailed her husband a taste of home (Maine) by sending him pictures of their kiddos, some fun goodies and a bottle of syrup, which shattered.
4. Glitter bomb
Glitter is the norovirus of the craft world. You don’t even have to come in direct contact with it for it to find its way to you. When a friend of mine wanted to do a “gender reveal” during her husband’s deployment, she had another friend fill an opaque balloon with colored glitter (but whyyyyyy) for him to pop.
He did, and blue glitter rained like confetti at a Kygo concert. Every boot, every bed, everybody was constantly sparkling for months.
5. Nada
The worst kind of care package fail? Not getting your shit together enough to send one. Your good intentions aren’t as fun to open as a physical package.
Skip the mess and the stress and outsource your care packages to the folks who know exactly what to send: Bespoke Post. Each month, they release new themed boxes filled with quality goods to their subscription members — think: shaving sets, cigars, knives, home bar essentials, and more — along with useful advice you need to use ’em.
With thousands of standout products from unique brands, their shop is a destination in itself. They’re always updating their stock with new apparel, grooming goods, outdoor gear, home essentials, and more.
Give a care package that never fails — a Bespoke Post subscription.
This article was sponsored by Bespoke Post.