If you're looking for the perfect gift to give the “Blue Falcon” in your life, look no further than this new action figure.

The “Blue Falcon figure” from Joy Toy is part of its “hardcore coldplay” series, which features futuristic-looking Marines, soldiers, and CIA assassins.

But enough of all that. The only action figure we really care about is the one that represents the worst person in your unit. That is, the buddy fucker who tells your platoon sergeant, No, sergeant. Smith isn't at dental. He's up in his room right now.

Caw Caw.

According to the product description, the 1/18 scale figure features removable armor, a helmet, pistol, two machine guns, a shovel, and an axe (and no, that's not Axe body spray).

To be clear, the toy company doesn't really know the slang lingo around blue falcon in the U.S. military. The tacticool action figure features realistic-looking armor, magazine pouches, kneepads and a uniform that looks like it'd work just fine in Halo.

But if I could just take a little bit of liberty with the product description, I would add the following:

  • Tactical axe for high-speed backstabbing
  • Special boots designed for avoiding working parties and leaving work early
  • Leg pouch for smokes (he'll still bum them from everyone else, anyway)