Culture Humor

Osama Bin Laden Was Surprisingly Lax About Masturbation

Everyone knows that whacking off and war go together, hand in hand, if you will. This applies to the enemy as well, and Osama bin Laden was no exception. Evidently, the al Qaeda leader and mastermind behind the Sept. 11, 2001 attacks had a pretty lax stance on jihadi masturbation.

Found among documents in his compound, a top secret letter, in addition to that epic porn stash collected in 2015, confirms that bin Laden had a surprisingly liberal view when it came to solo sex.

The top-secret letter purportedly gave jihadists the green light to go it alone, particularly while carrying out God’s will without their wives present.

“As we see it, we have no objection to clarifying to the brothers that they may, in such conditions, masturbate, since this is an extreme case,” the letter reads.

Evidently, bin Laden had it on good authority that the act of self-love was “approved” by “the ancestors” for jihadi relief.

Still, in concluding his letter, he pulled back and questioned if it might be best just to “stick to the recommendation of total patience and seek help through fasting?”